HARDWOOD RECORD 



13 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



I did not know how fair the days could be 

 Before she came, with her sweet smile, to me; 

 I did not know how sweet the wind could blow 

 Before she came to me, but now I know. 



Since She Is Mine 



Before she sweetly came to make me glad 

 I could not guess why all men were not sad; 

 Why ceaseless joy should be for any man 

 I could not guess before, but now 1 can. 



Her figure's fine, her features none excel. 

 She's my stenographer, and she can spell! 

 Her voice Is sweet, her eyes are soft and deep. 

 She runs the office— and I get her cheap. 



— S. E. Kiser. 



Very Different. 

 There may be a 

 mite of similarity 

 but there is a world 

 of difference between 

 thrift and stinginess. 



Much Harder. 



Endeavoring t 

 dodge work tires a 

 great many men more 

 than hard labor. 



A Hint. 



No man is interest- 

 ed in another man 's 

 troubles unless he is 

 a lawyer. 



Without Effort. 



Some folks act the 

 fool intentionally; 

 others who have no 

 histrionic ability 

 whatever attain the 

 same results. 



Where She Excels. 



Maybe a woman 



can't throw a ball, 



but she can throw a 



hint pretty skillfully. 



Tut, Tut! 



If confronted by 

 two evils pass up the 

 first and turn the 

 other down. 



Not Belated. 



The milk of human 

 kindness has little in 

 common with the 

 eream of society. 



A Bit of Advice. 



Wear your knowl- 

 edge as your watch, 

 in a private pocket, 

 only bringing it out 

 when called for. 



RIVAL SWIMMING POOLS. 



Good Sermon, 



Everyone likes the 

 sermon that goes over 

 his head and hits the 

 other fellow. 



Another Thing. 

 Of course you earn 

 a princely salary — 

 but do you get it? 



Waiting. 

 As sure as fate if 

 you wait long enough 

 all things will come — 

 to the other fellow. 



The Test. 



How often is the 

 matchmaker's match 

 worthless when it 

 comes to lighting a 

 fire on a cold morn- 

 ing. 



Impossible. 



It is impossible to 

 forget most of the 

 things that should be 

 forgotten. 



Foxy. 



When the average 

 man expresses his 

 gratitude it is merely 

 an off-hand way he 

 has of asking for 

 more. 



Do It First. 

 Do so well today 

 that you need have 

 no fear of being done 

 tomorrow. 



Secretary Fish : Come on in, boys, the water's fine ! 

 Secretary Doster : Hurry up, boys, the swimmin's bully ! 



The Trouble. 

 There would b e 

 more wisdom in many 

 a head if it didn't 

 leak so badly at the 

 mouth. 



Changed Conditions. 

 Fifty years ago the measure of a lumber- 

 man's success laid in his ability to sell his 

 product; today it lies in his ability to man- 

 age men. 



Of Course! 



Almost any man is willing to patch up a 

 quarrel — providing he is allowed to select 

 the patch. 



Keep Your Temper. 



When you 're in the right you can afford 

 to keep your temper, and when you're in the 

 wrong you cau 't afford to lose it. 



Food for Thought. 

 There is room in this world for more re- 

 spect for the old on the part of the young, 

 and more toleration for the young on the 

 part of the old. 



A Preachment. 



It's unnecessary worry, unwholesome food 

 and unceasing dissipation that send us to 

 early graves. 



Easy. 



Trouble is the easiest thing in the world 

 to stir up — the careless handling of the 

 truth will do it every time. 



Quite True, 



The man who has frequent occasions to 

 offer apologies will soon find that his friends 

 have good reasons for declining to accept 

 them. 



The Miser. 



Time is money, and the only thing in the 

 way of money that the miser is wUling to 

 spend. 



Much Better. 



Most women do not expect their husbands 

 to save money, but to earn a sufScient 

 amount thereof. 



