HARDWOOD RECORD 



15 



Verts Pertinent and Impertinent. 



The Whole Trouble. 

 Some folks cau't miud thcii- biisiiioss : 



The reason is, you'll find, 

 They cither have no business 

 Or else they have no miud. 



- ratholio Standnrcl and Times. 



And That's So. 

 There are no birds in last year's in'sls. 



No fun in last year's jokes ; 

 .\nd -weep for him who pays the bills 

 No wives in last years cloaks. 



— Houston Post. 



Only Two Classes. 

 'I' wo men there are who never can 



Forget themselves, I wist : 

 .Viul one's the perfect gentleman 

 .\n(l one's the egotist. 



— Philadelphia T^edger. 



Giving. 

 A .haritabU- man 

 jjives iiceordiiig to 

 his means, a miser 

 accorfHn}» to liis 

 meanness. 



Pessimistic View. 

 To the jiessitnist, 

 whatever isn't is 

 right; whatever is is 

 wrong. 



"Close." 



.V elosc friend is 

 Mue who refuses to 

 h'ucl. 



Silence. 



There are times 

 when it isn't neces- 

 sary to speak the 

 truth — but at such 

 times it isn't neces- 

 sary to speak at all. 



Good Plan. 



Vdviec is very 

 iriuch like opportuni- 

 ties, the capable pro- 

 vide their own. 



Pride and 'Vanity. 



I^ride is the knowl- 

 edge that no one can 

 do you a favor; vau- 

 it\' is the belief that 

 no one can do you 

 an injury. 



True. 



There are a good 

 many noughts in the 

 sum total of the 

 world 's inhabitants. 



Well Known. 

 Fortune knocks 

 often at tlie door of 

 the man who keeps 

 his name and ad- 

 dress in the adver- 

 tisiag columns. 



IS HISTORY TO BE REPEATED? 



[■'The nue.stioii of admitting wi 

 and action." — News Item.) 



(iwood coiismiicr^ to ini-iiiln r^hip will conic 111* ioi- di^ciis.Moii 



"Will you walk into my parlor says the spider to the fly?' 



Secret of Success. 



Instead of trying 

 to dodge your work, 

 try and devise some 

 '■asicr method of ilo 

 iug it — that's one of 

 the secrets of suc- 



i'OSS. 



Doubtful. 



yomc, people seem 

 to think that specti- 

 lation in futures is 

 equivalent to buying 

 experience. 



Drinking. 



The philosophy of 



drinking consists in 



knowing when to 



treat and when to 

 retreat. 



Real Difficulties. 



Two things which 

 arc equally haVd to 

 do in this life .ire to 

 Ucep up appearances 

 and to keei> down 

 expenses. 



Always. 



The fellow wlio in- 

 tends to succeed 

 works without a 

 lime tabic. 



Hosts of Them. 



There arc plenty 

 of people wlio would 

 lie proud of being 

 arrested for exceed- 

 ing the speed limit 

 in !iu automohik'. 



The Way. 



If you must argitc. 

 choose a subject you 

 know something 

 ahout and then keep 

 your moiitli shut and 

 listen. 



1 wonder how a man would feel 

 To have no cause at all to worry, 



'fo sit down to a three-course meal 

 .Vud know he didn't have to hurry ; 



I'o smoke thereafter at his ease 

 .\nd tell the world to go to thundei-- 



To t(o exactly what he'd please. 

 I wonder ! 



IDE/\L. 



I wonder how a man would feel 



To have the debts all paid he's owing. 



To fear no creditor's appeal. 



To have a bank account that's growing, 



To know that he was right on top 

 Of all he had been squirming under 



.\nd had no chance to slip and drop. 

 1 wonder ! 



I wonder how a man would feel ! 



I think il would seem mighty tunny 

 To know I had for once a deal 



Of leisure time and lots of money. 

 Tli.-vt plea.sant state of things and T 



.lust now are pretty far asunder. 

 So 1 can only wish and sigh : 

 "1 wonder !" 



