14 



HARDWOOD RECORD 



Vert, Pertinent and Impertinent. 



Turn out more ale, turn up the light; 

 I will not go to bed tonight; 

 Of all the foes that man should dread 

 The first and worst one is a bed. 

 Friends I have had. both old and young, 

 And ale we've drunk, and songs we've sung; 

 Enough you know, though this is said. 

 That one and all they died in bed. 



In bed they died, and I'll not go 



Where all my friends have perished so; 



Go you who fain would buried be. 



But not tonight a bed for me. 



Hum ViVimas Vigilamuj. 



For me tonight no bed prepare. 



But set me out my oaken chair; 



And bid no other guests beside 



The ghosts that shall around me glide; 



In curling smoke wreaths I shall see 



A fair and gentle company. 



Though silent all. rare revellers they. 



Who will not leave till break of day. 

 Go you who would not daylight see. 

 But not tonight a bed for me; 

 For I've been bord and I've been wed — 

 A greater peril waits in. bed. 



And I'll not seek, whate'er befall. 



Him who unbidden comes to all — 



A grewsome guest, a lean-jawed wight — 



God send he do not come tonight; 



But if he do, to claim his own. 



He shall not find me lying prone; 



But blithely, bravely sitting up. 



And liolding high the stirrup-cup. 

 Then if you find a pipe unfilled. 

 An empty chair, the brown ale spilled. 

 Well may you know, though naught be said. 

 That I've been borne away to bed. 



— CH.iBLES Henry Webb. 



Good Reason. 



The less popular a 

 man is with his as- 

 sociates the more 

 popular he is with 

 himself. 



Tomorrow. 



Tomorrow is the 

 soft couch on which 

 the weak human will 

 lies down to rest. 



What Follows. 



Trouble is said to 



drive men to drink, 



and drink drives 



them to more trouble. 



Easy 'Work. 



Lazy men are al- 

 ways willing to work 

 — other people. 



Poor Thing! 

 A man may do the 

 best he can and still 

 get the worst of it. 



Only Then. 



There are men who 

 every time they see 

 a sight draft envy 

 the blind. 



Might and Right. 



Might may make 

 right, but it does not 

 always make good. 



Will Out. 



It's a very difficult 

 matter to keep fam- 

 ily secrets in the 

 closet. 



Hard to Find. 



Misery loves com- 

 pany — the kind that 

 will listen to hard- 

 luck stories. 



OVERLOOKED. 



Tallies for us 



"= - » u , 



F^/lroadT^teBill 

 Meat InspectionBj 



Fl'REfbOD Bill 



Crooked. 



In not a few in- 

 starices men gain the 

 upper hantj by using 

 underhand methods. 



Not Interesting. 



You must have 

 eitiier dollars or 

 sense in very large 

 quantiiies if you ex- 

 pect others to con- 

 sider your troubles 

 interesting. 



One Consolation. 



At least, the less 

 talking a man does 

 the less apologizing 

 he has to do. 



True. 



Common sense is 

 none too common. 



Easy. 



The easier a man 

 makes his money the 

 easier it is for other 

 people to separate 

 liini from it. 



Practice, Don't 

 Preach. 



Upright walkiug is 

 .the strongest talking. 



Waiting. 



Waiting works 

 wonders if you work 

 while vou wait. 



Own and Only, 



Virtue is its only 

 reward. 



R-oosevelt : Pretty good record ; but if half I hear is true, some legislation on 

 hardwood inspectiork would have been a good addition to the list. 



Spoiled. 



A great many so- 

 called friendships 

 have been spoiled by 

 marriage. 



Always Hoping. 



Some men always nurse the hope that they 

 may some day encounter an easy mark who 

 has more dollars than sense. 



Humiliating Conditions. 



More men would learn if knowledge could 

 be acquired without the humiliation of be- 

 ing taught. 



Has Neither. 



The man that boasts that he has no 

 enemies rarely has occasion to boast of his 

 friends. 



Much Better. 



It is better to overestimate your own 

 worth than to waste all you have envying 

 that of others. 



Pessimists. 



Most pessimists look as though they were 

 afraid it would cost them a few cents to 

 look pleasant. 



In Defense. 



Whiskey may be a deadly drink, but water 

 is responsible for more eases of typhoid 

 fever. 



