HARDWOOD RECORD 



23 



Pert, Pertinent and Impertinent 



Perfectly Proper 



She lit a cigarette. 



I don't approve of smoking — 

 Not for ladies — no ! — and .vet 

 I sliall never forget 



And I could not but admii-c 

 As she lit that cigarette. 



How she set the thing afire. 



First she hunted high and low, 

 "fill she found a box of matches. 



Then she set one all aglow — 



Does she smoke ? My goodness, no ! 

 Certainly, you must divine. 



Though she lit a cigarette. 

 That the cigarette was mine I 



Just Facts 



If you're sailing pretty fast. 

 That you can't use as a "chaser" 



The water that is past. 

 And then again you'll notice, if 



You're drifting down the stream. 

 That the milk of human kindness 



Generates but little cream. 



Rather a p a y i n g 

 oung man than a 

 iromising one. 



No. Alonzo, the date 

 f a woman's birth has 

 lothing to do with her 

 ge. 



A bass drum covers 

 L lot of mistakes in the 

 est of the band. 



M'hen you meet a 

 ilranger, get busy and 

 :ell vour troubles first. 



The marble cutter's 

 ipprentice has many 

 lard lessons to learn. 



Occasionally the right 

 man in the right place 

 occupies quarters in a 

 juilding where the win- 

 lows are protected by 

 ron bars. 



A man whose wife is 

 blind says her sense of 

 touch keeps him broke. 



After burying the 

 hatchet, some people 

 borrow an axe. 



The less a woman has 

 to say, the longer it 

 takes her to say it. 



Which is the Cheaper Fuel 



A shave and clean 



collar have helped to 



sell many a bill of 

 lumber. 



It must be great to 

 assume the position that 

 you are always right 

 and the other fellow- 

 wrong, and to believe it 

 yourself. 



A girl isn't necessari- 

 ly a bird just because 

 she's pigpou-tued. 



Coal at $4.50 a ton or Hardwood Cuttings at $45.00 a thousand feet ? 



A woman is never as 

 hard to understand as 

 she thinks a man thinks 

 she is. 



The man who isn't 

 afraid of work can al- 

 ways find plenty of it 

 to do. 



Many a man imag- 

 ines he is wielding a 

 big stick when in real- 

 ity he is only using a 

 small hammer. 



We might do more 

 work for posterity if it 

 wasn't such slow pay. 



A woman seldom has 

 any time to be thank- 

 ful for the things she 

 has because ot the many 

 other things she wants. 



Even sensible men 

 talk nonsense to women. 



Youth is the spring- 

 time of hope ; but when 

 a man gets a little 

 older he stops hoping 

 and begins to reach out 

 for anything he can get 

 his hands on. 



The landlady goes to 

 extremes when she feeds 

 her boarder's headcheese 

 and pigs' feet. 



Money talks, but it 

 doesn't always make 

 a satisfactory financial 

 statement. 



Lot's wife probably 

 turned around to see 

 what another woman 

 had on. 



'J'he man who can 

 tell you just how a 

 ihing ought to be done 

 is seldom busy. 



My Real Life 



Resistance my religion is. 



Repression is my creed : 

 My real life is that which I 



Have never dared to lead. 



— Harold Susman, in The Smart Set. 



Often Miffed 



Even one's wife. 

 "Light of his life." 

 Is without doubt 

 Often "put out." 



— Kansas City Times. 



The Humble Optimist 

 When the whole dern world has gone to pot. 



And business is on the bum — 

 A two-cent grin and a lifted chin 

 Helps some, my boy, helps some. 



— Anxa Lewis. 



