HARDWOOD RECORD 



23 



Pert, Pertinent and Impertinent 



Quantity, Not Quality 

 You say you think my figure fine. 

 You say, in fact, it's quite divine. 

 And beg me please not to declin" 



To be your bride. 

 But, ah, for you — I thought you knew — 

 One figure, sir, is quite taboo. 

 How many, tell me, pray, have you — 

 Then I'll decide.' 

 — Eleanor Rivenburgh, in The Smart Set. 



People who live high 

 are not always above 

 suspicion. 



A man is lucky not 

 to have any worse luck 

 than he has. 



He who fights and 



runs away may draw 



a pension some fine 

 day. 



Change your opin- 

 ions once in a while if 

 you would improve 

 them. 



The bravery of some 

 men is like that of 

 bulldogs ; they haven't 

 sense enough to be 

 afraid of anything. 



Laziness travels 

 slowly and poverty 

 soon overtakes it. 



Many a so-called or- 

 ator is merely a hu- 

 man phonograph. 



It a man's credit is 

 good it is because he 

 seldom uses it. 



Procrastination is the 

 thief of many a good 

 time. 



Insomnia is some- 

 thing that seldom troub- 

 les a person in the early 

 morning hours. 



A man is rich in 

 power it he is able to 

 do without the things 

 wealth will buy. 



A pet extravagance 

 is no more a weakness 

 than is a pet economy ; 

 and often it is not half 

 so expensive in the end. 



Nothing lowers a 

 man so much in the 

 estimation of his 

 friends as being always 

 on his uppers. 



"Trust men. and 

 they'll be true to you," 

 says Emerson ; but you 

 can't make the grocer 

 believe it. 



The Spirit of the Times 



The Boys — "Let's make him a friend of ours. 



All men are foolish, 

 but some manage to 

 conceal the fact. 



A man would rather 

 be embarrassed any 

 other way than finan- 

 cially. 



To love a good 

 woman is a liberal ed- 

 ucation. To love a 

 lady of fashion Is a 

 commercial education. 

 — Leslie's Weekly. 



Some men are driven 

 to drink, some walk up 

 to it and some have 

 drink driven to them. 



Modesty is the re- 

 sult of a man's fear 



that others won't think 

 him as great as he 

 thinks himself. — Smart 

 Set. 



Most of the fish in 

 small puddles imagine 

 they are big. 



The people who are 

 paid to be good never 

 earn their salary. 



The man who Is 

 afraid of work deserves 

 to be scared to death. 



Women remind us of 

 angels because they are 

 always flying around. 



Why is it that little 

 girls always smile 

 and little boys always 



Marriage is the proc- 

 ess by which a wom- 

 an tries to get a job as 

 boss. 



Don't waste valuable 

 time explaining why 

 you failed. Get busy 

 and make good. 



Anyway the woman 

 who marries a man 

 with a dimple in his 

 chin had fair warning. 



A toper doesn't be- 

 lieve in sober second 

 thoughts. 



some people never pay anything but visits ,0 ^weather eventually gets back at the people A wise workman lets the .>oss have his own 



their relatives. who talk about it. ^^aj- 



It's easier to originate an idea than it is to Opinions and visits are more appreciated when He is a wise fool who knows enough .0 keep 



get a capitalist interested in it. nor forced upon people. it to Bimseu. 



