22 



HARDWOOD RECORD 



Pert, Pertinent and Impertinent 



Slightly Different 

 Along the winding stream they strolled, 



As in the years before ; 

 They stood beneath a stately beech 



That grew upon the shore. 



"Looli. Percy '." softly said the maid — 

 Her cheeks were all aglow — 



"Is this the tree on which you carved 

 Our names so long ago?" 



She pointed to the seams and scars 



Upon the smooth, gra.v bark. 

 Where many a sentimental swain 



Had tried to make his mark. 



Young Perc.v scanned the hieroglyph.?. 



Then gave his cane a twirl ; 

 "My name is there, all right," he said. 



"But — 'twas some other girl." 



— C. W. T. 



What Matter? 

 If wine's a poison so is tea, 

 Though in another shape. 

 What matter whether one is killed 

 By canister or grape? 



— Thos. Hood. 



The half of the world that gets along is 

 unable to understand why the other half is 

 always short. 



Look Out For Him 



Investor: "This looks to me like a lemon." 



Experienced 



"Am I the first girl you ever kissed?" asks 

 the fair young thing from the refuge of his 

 shoulder. 



"Well." he replies, "after the way my arm 

 .iust naturally slipped around your waist as you 

 unconsciously leaned toward me, and my fingers 



tilted your chin as you unconsciously lifted your 

 head, and I bent forward where your lips were 

 waiting, and didn't get the kiss either on your 

 nose or your chin, but where it belonged — after 

 all that, and with the knowledge of the subject 

 which you have displayed. I shall say nothing, 

 except that I leave the question to your own 

 judgment." — Life. 



Depraved to the Last 



"I may not be the ultimate consumer." said 

 (he fly, with its expiring gasp, as it fell into 

 the soup, "but I seem to be in the ultimate 

 consomme." — Chicago Tribune. 



A woman should trust her husband, but it 

 isn't always advisable to let him know it. 



