22 



HARDWOOD RECORD 



Pert, Pertinent and Impertinent 



My pipe and I are comrades true — 

 He cheers me when I'm feeling blue ; 

 And when he's feeling cold and grim 

 I set him smoking with a vim. 



When he's with me I seem to see 

 Fair visions of sure victory ; 

 Great things in store for me and mine, 

 With fortune waiting on the line. 



Sometimes he sends a purple mist 

 From out his bowl, by heaven kissed. 

 Which, as it rises, softly seems 

 The very fount of lovely dreams ; 



My Pipe and I 



And in its varied shapes of grace 

 Reveals at last one treasured face 

 That some day I shall hope to see 

 The partner of my pipe and me ! 



She whom I wed, when she doth know 

 How he hath kept that flame aglow 

 That in my heart hath known no end. 

 Will not be jealous of my friend ; 



But. as we sit and sweetly dream 

 Before the twilight ember's gleam, 

 In those glad days of loverhood. 

 Will love as I my briarwood ! 



— Blakkley GR.4Y. 



Savor and Salt 

 Grant me the savor and salt of life. 



To love and to work — that's all ! 

 My strong hand bont to some noble strife 



That has Right for its battle-call. 



My strong heart spent in the daily love 



That can freely take and give 

 One with the flesh, and with God above. 



That a race may be born and live. 



Grant me the savor and salt, and let 

 The honey-sweets and the wine 



Be poured where the golden trough is set 

 I'"or the scrambling, senseless swine ! 



— Madeline Bridges. 



The door Was barred at Detroit 



jua. 





^^ 



Here's hoping that it will be wide open at Louisville 



Corro'borative E'Tidence 

 "Bosh 1" says the skeptic, "what proof can 

 you give me that man is made of dust 5" 



"Why, look at yourself," argues the other 

 man. "You have a marble brow, an alabaster 

 cheek, a muddy complexion and sandy hair." 

 — Wilbur D. Nesbii. 



Speedy 



HowABD : She has a speed of one hundred 

 words a minute. 



Coward: Who? Your stenographer? 

 HowABD : No ; my wife. 



— Life. 



Many an anticipated trouble looks like a 

 mountain in size, but after it has passed it looks 

 more like a pin head. 



Out Of Danger 

 Mrs. Snappem (who has been suffering from 



toothache) : "Thank goodness, I've had that 



tooth out at last." 



Mr. Snappem : "Happy tooth." 



Mm. Snappem: "What do you mean?" 



Mr. Snappem : "It's out of the reach of your 



tongue." 



Some writer says that every woman loves the 

 wrong man once. Yes. and every man loves 

 the wrong woman several times. 



It's a good thing that some people are self- 

 satisfied, for they never could satisfy any one 

 else. 



Mutterings of a Mere Man 



When a woman says sweet things about yon | 

 she is giving her candied opinion. 



When women get tbeir rights most of us wilt 

 get left. 



Beware of the woman who is so stingy that 

 she won't even tell a joke at her own expense. 



The bravest of men sometimes get frights OB- 

 their wedding day. 



The girl who is a good listener is the one- 

 who hears the most proposals. 



— Heney McHabg Davenport. 



The straphanger looks far better to the street 

 car company than an empty seat. 



A woman's dream of a bonnet looks like a 

 nightmare to the man who pays the freight. 



