22 



HARDWOOD RECORD 



Pert, Pertinent and Impertinent 



When No Man's a Failure 



When be loves his work for itself as well as 

 for what it brings. 



When he puts ideas and ideals into bis worl;. 



When he can put a little humor into bis work. 



When he gets on by helping others up instead 

 of pulling them down. 



When the harder he is knocked down the 

 quicker he can pick himself up. 



When he is more anxious to do favors than to 

 ask them. 



When he is willing to admit that be is in the 

 wrong and unwilling to worr.v about it. 



Some are born good, some make good, and 

 others are caught with the goods. 



The men scorn the mouse that terrifies the 

 women, but the "women rule the men that scorn 

 ttc mouse. — Life. 



All boys imagine they will do just as they 

 please as soon as they are 21 : but some of them 

 get married. 



Can You Beat It? 



"Woman is very unreasonable," said a vener- 

 able New Hampshire justice of the peace. "I 

 remember that my wife and I were talking over 

 our affairs one day, and we agreed that it had 

 come to the point where we must both econo- 

 mize. 



" 'Yes, my dear,' I said to my wife, 'we must 

 both economize, both !' 



" 'Very well, Henry.' she said, with a tired air 

 of submission, 'you shave yourself and I'll cut 

 your hair.' " — Everybody's. 



'Tis Pity, *TiSs 'Tis True 



The Tramp: "So they are kicking you out too!" 



The Plain Speaker 



"I say what I think," said the tiresome jay, 

 as he roamed around on his futile way, and the 

 things he said, that son of a gun, weren't worth 

 a cent and a half a ton. And folks avoided the 

 tiresome jay, they saw him coming and hiked 

 away ; they hid in alleys or crawled in holes, or 

 scrambled up to the tops of poles ; for things 

 unpleasant, and things that jolt, were seen to 

 come when he shot his bolt. It came to pass 

 that the tiresome jay curled up with colic and 

 passed away ; and not a soul in the village wept 

 when out 'neath the jimson weeds he slept, and 

 never a citizen heaved a sigh when the fine 

 large hearse with its plumes went by. For our 

 time is brief and we've many chores and we 



haven't time for the tiresome bores ; and we 

 haven't time for the man whose brain is stored 

 with scandals and legends vain, and we haven't 

 time to be fooling round with the man whose 

 sayings will leave a wound. When you go down- 

 town where the toilers sweat, say something 

 pleasant, already yet, and hang a smile on your 

 home-grown face and swear this world is the 

 smoothest place ! And when you croak, all the 

 village guys will weep till they spavin their 

 blooming eyes. — Walt Mason. 



Truth WiU Out 



Huh (with irritation) — Why is it that you 

 women insist upon having the last word? 



Wifey (calmly) — We don't. The only reason 

 we get it is because we always have a dozen 

 arguments left when you stupid men are all run 

 out. — Boston Transcript. 



The ideal clubman is he who looks genial and 

 says, nothing at all. — Max Beerbohm. 



Generally when you make a mistake you are 

 expected to correct it ; but if it is a matrimonial 

 one, you are expected to deny it and stick to It. 

 — The Smart Set. 



A hard drinker naturally draws the line at 

 soft drinks. 



Necessity is the mother of invention and In- 

 vention is the stepfather of trusts. 



