22 



HARDWOOD RECORD 



Pert, Pertinent and Impertinent 



Waiving a Prejudice 



Mary's uncle has a fortune 



That would fill a dozen tanks ; 

 But her brother was a grafter. 



And her father looted banks. 

 Uncle's favorite niece is Mary, 



And they say that when he dies 

 He will leave that merry maiden 



An estate of noble size. 



I'll admit that I am fussy 

 Over purity of namrs. 



That I hate a spattered scutcheon. 

 That I shrink from family shames ; 



Yet in thinking of her uncle 

 And those overflowing tanks 



I've forgotten Bill, the grafter. 

 And the dad who looted banks. 



— Boston Ti:.\veleii. 



My Creed 

 I have no enmity for those 



Who 'gainst me plan and plot : 

 I'm willing to forgive my foes — 



But hope the Lord Is not ; 



-Life. 



Weep not peeling other people": 



r.EUT IIUBB.IRD. 



-Ei.- 



When people say a story is plausible it's 

 equivalent to saying that they don't believe it. 



There 

 thing. 



notliing more uncertain tlian a snr" 



There is nothing like the clutch of conven- 

 tionality for squeezing the breath out of indi- 

 \ idualit". 



Help! Help! 



Lumber Manufacturer: Can*t you help me put it out and keep it out? 



Favorite Fiction 



'Tm Not Hvi.ving It for Myseil". You Know : 

 1 Want It for a Friend." 



"I)islips Marked With a Star Are Ready." 

 (Kocommended by F. P. A.) 



"My Friends, I Came Utterly Unprepared lo 

 Make a Speech.'* 



"Wifie. Dear. I Shall Be Lonesome Every Mo- 

 ment While You Are Away."' 



"I Smoke Stogies Because They're Made of 

 Real Tobacco." 



"I prefer to Sit in the Balcony: Yoii Can 

 See the Stage so Much Better." 



"Yes, John Always i-iet^ Ilis Own Brt-akfast ; 

 He Says He'd Rather I>n It." 



"L-n ITim c;iml> on Jly Lap if lie Wishes. 

 Mrs. Smithkins : I Just Love Litt'e Boys." 



"It Annoys Me Dreadfully to See My Picture 

 in the Papers so Often:" — C. W. T. 



Actions Speak Louder Than Words 



The Sunday school class was singing "I Want 



To Be an Angel." 



"Why don't you sing louder. Bobby '!" 



"I'm singing as loud as I feel," exitlained 



Boliby. — Thk Delineator. 



The Pruning Season 



Pruning season comes in busimss ji^ well as in 

 inhards. 



The fruit of profit is borne on the branches 

 of expense. And profit like fruit grows biggest 

 on the tree whose branches are pruned in scasou. 



Let expense gi-ow wild — profits grow small. 

 Trim expense close to the balance between effi- 

 ciency and economy — profits will come to a har- 

 vest, 



Every business will warrant just so much ex- 

 pense. But the tendency of expense is always to 

 cross the margin of profit and invade the columa 

 of loss. 



So check over your cost sheets. Scrutinize 

 your payroll. Analyze your overhead charges.. 



Then cut to the bone the useless expenses tha* 

 sap profits. — System. 



