22 



HARDWOOD RECORD 



Pert, Pertinent and Impertinent 



Uncounted 



Hickory, dickory, <lox. 



A mouse in the ballot box ! 

 The women yelled, 

 The votes were spilled : 



Hickory, dickory, dox. 



— Caeolyx Wells. 



Is the night before worth the morning alter? 



Birds of a feather flock together after they 

 find it impossible to fly with those of more 

 luxuriant plumage. — The Smart Set. 



Legalities 



A legislator is the only man who can tell 

 whether or not a law ought to be passed. 



An executive is the only man who can tell 

 whether or not it ought to be enforced. 



A judge is the only man who can tell whether 

 or not it has been violated. 



A lawyer is the only man who can tell how 

 it may be violated with impunity. 



A layman is one who cannot possibly know 

 anything about a law without seeing a lawyer. 



A criminal is one who would rather take 

 chances than see a lawyer. — Life. 



The Spendthrift 



The days are all too short ; the night 



Falls ere the task is well begun ; 



And the swift years in noiseless flight 



Steal youth and strength, and joy and light, 



While the great work is yet undone. 



Oh, spendthrift of the golden days ! 

 Thou wanton wastrel of the years. 

 Youth : heedless of the rate it pays, ' 

 The roses that bedeck your ways 

 Are watered by your leader's tears ! 



— T. H. K. 



The Kidnapper 



MUCH LIKE 



^'RCAS5|AN 



JHAT )U STEAL 



VOUANDCHAMGE 

 VOl/R NAME ro 



''%& 



And his arrest is not even threatened ! 



A Nervous Haste. 



"The trouble with you Americans is that you 

 eat too fast," said the European. 



"We can't help it." was the contrite answer. 

 "We feel like getting through a meal before 

 ihe waiter brings back the check with an an- 

 nouncement that the meat trust has raised 

 prices." — Washington" Star. 



Women are better than men, because they do 

 cot have women to tempt them. 



Is it quite fair to judge others through the 

 pinholes of our particular point of view, when 

 beyond there is a wliole universe of condi- 

 tions of which we know notliing? 



Why in the world do you want to carry 

 Things that annoy and harass and harry? 

 Stop them and drop them, a new day is here. 

 Squeeze a laugh from it instead of a tear. 



Herbert KAnF.MAN. 



You can always spot an inferior person by 

 his superior air. 



It is always the open season for killing time 

 with some people. 



You can never be a great man so long as 

 you associate exclusively with small men. 



Fortune smiles , on some men one day and 

 gives them the laugh the next. 



The Beckoner 



One day a vision came and beckoned me 

 Out of the still, gray halls, where solitude 

 Waits for the guest whose coming must elude 



The mocking eyes of Life iind Destiny. 



It followed, and the vision bade me see 



The garden of dreams whose lilies never die, 

 The rainbow of Love's promise in the sky. 



The bower of faith, whose walls are mystery. 



Breathless. I cried, "Who art thou ?'4i And he 

 said: ^ 



"My name is Might Have Been. I am 

 accurst 

 By all men. but my boons shall make the 



strong. 

 Take on thy lids my chrism of tears unshed. 



My bitter wine of knowledge for thy thirst. 

 And for thy breast the barren rose of song." 



— Elsa Barker. 



