34 



HARDWOOD RECORD 



Pert, Pertinent and Impertinent 



If We But Knew 



"If I knew you and you knew me, 

 And each of us could clearly see, 

 And by the inner light divine 

 The meaning of your heart and mine, 

 I think that we would differ less 

 And clasp our bands in friendliness — 

 If I knew you, and you knew me." 



Success seems to require two kinds of ability 

 — one to start something, and the other to 

 finish it. 



The Bachelor 



Here's to the bachelor, so lonely and gay, 

 For it's not his fault he waf; born that way. 

 And here's to the spinster, so lonely and good. 

 For it's not her fault — she hath done what she 

 could. 



Life and prize fighting have this in common : 

 It doesn't matter how many times you get 

 knocked down — it's only staying down that can 

 defeat you. — Elbeht Hubbard. 



A Lulla'by 



Ilush-a-by Lady, in a fur coat ; 

 When the sky falls the women will vote. 

 When the women vote, the nation will fall, 

 Down will come Liberty, SutErage and all ! 

 — Carolyn Wells. 



Success is the one word in the language that 

 needs no explanation. For its meaning ia 

 written in the heart of every human being : 

 "Life as I will it, — my life !" — Egbert Heb- 



R[CK. 



The Latest Sartorial Fashion 



It may be up-to-date, but i.'in't it goinsr to be conspicuous? 



Might Apply to Eucalyptus 



Two spectators were discussing the rubber 

 boom, and the question naturally arose as to 

 how long the upward movement was likely to 

 be maintained. 



One of them, who has done very well, was in- 

 clined to be somewhat pessimistic. 



"You know," he observed to his friend, "some- 

 thing will come along and spoil this boom. If 

 it Isn't home politics or an outbreak of war, it 

 will be disease among the rubber trees, which, I'm 

 told, once started, spreads like wildfire." 



"Ah," retorted his friend, "the disease question 

 is certainly a danger point. But I'm all right as 

 regards that ; the company I'm heavily interested 

 in hasn't started planting yet !" — London Finan- 

 cial Tl.MES. 



To the Stranger 'Within Your Gates 

 In New England: "What do you know?" 

 In New York: "How much y' got?" 

 In the South: "Who are you?" 

 In the West: "What can you do?" 



— Life. 



Couldn't Expect It 



One day Helen had been very naughty and 

 her mother said : "Helen, if you are naughty 

 you can't go to heaven." 



"Well," said Helen, "I can't expect to go 

 everywhere. I went to 'Uncle Tom's Cabin' once 

 and the circus twice." — Htjman Life. 



It's less difficult to get to the top than to stay 

 there. 



After a man has saved $1,000 he deserves to 

 be successful. 



