==4 



HARDWOOD RECORD 



Pert, Pertinent and Impertinent 



The Forest Giant 



Tall, stately, si-and. it rears its liead. 



Tlie monarch of tbe woods. 

 From out its topmost branches peer 



The eyes of fairy gods. 

 Kins: of the trees, it stands erect. 



As Nature's monument. 

 While saplings thin and puny men 



Look up in wonderment. 



What hut a superhuman hand, 



A never-failing eye. 

 Could build from but a single seed 



A ladder to the sky? 



— Charles Albert Brewton. 



Gray 



"Absolute black or white 



Give me I pray." 

 Softly the answer comes : 



"Life's tints are gray." 



"Sorrow with joy allied. 



Good with the ill. 

 Child, in thy twilight haze, 



Learn, and be still." 

 Flore.vce Mekcy Walker. 



When a woman tells how successful lier The best liar is he who makes the smallest 



husband is in business it's usually a safe bet that amount o£ lying go the longest way. — Samuel 

 he isn't. Butler. 



The Application . 



Unto those who talk and talk 

 This proverb should appeal : 



The steam that blows the whistle 

 Will never turn the wheel. 



— Chicago News. 



Mediocre man can endure failure, for, as 

 Robert Louis, the beloved, has pointed out, 

 failure is natural, but worldly success Is an 

 abnormal condition. — Elbert Hubbard. 



Friendship is a strong and habitual inclination 

 in two persons to furnish the good and happi- 

 ness of each otlier. 



Flagging The Train 





Lumber rates are already "As high as the traffic will stand." 



TJpon the Pun 



The best pun in the English language Is Tom 

 Hood's : 



He went and told the sexton, 

 And the sexton tolled the bell. 



The worst pun Is that of the man who fell 

 into a ditch and rose with the remark : "How 

 very ditchtressing !" 



Dr. John.son said that the pun was the lowest 

 order of wit ; but to this Goldsmith replied : 

 "The pun, in other words, is the foundation of 

 wit, eh?" 



Every Latin master likes to tell his boys two 



puns. The first Is a punning derivation of res- 

 taurant — "Res, a thing ; taurus, a bull ; a bully 

 thing." The other is a derivation of virgin — Vir, 

 a m»n ; gin, a trap; a man-trap." — Washington 

 Post. 



Every man Inherits one of the three B's — 

 brains, birth, or boodle — and we wish to go on 

 record that when the young men call at our 

 house to pay courtship to our daughters the 

 young men with brains will And the daughters' 

 papa will be less severe with them than the 

 birth and boodle fellows. 



Growing Old Together 



Irate Creditor — I shall call every week until 

 you pay this account ! 



Debtor — Really. Then there seems every prob- 

 ability of our acquaintance ripening Into friend- 

 ship ! — London Opinion. 



Interested in Forestry 

 .lack — I am a strong advocate of forest con- 

 servation. You woiildn't like to see all of the 

 trees wantonly destroyed, would you? 



Edna — No, indeed. There wouldn't be any 

 place to swing a hammock in the summer. 



