26 



HARDWOOD RECORD 



Pert, Pertinent and Impertinent 



End of the Vacation 

 What are the wild waves sa.ving — 



What is the tale they tell 

 To the sharks of the easy marks. 



Who once by the sea did well? 

 Oh, it is the old, old story — 



A story that is no joke ; 

 Our time for play has passed away 



And most of us are broke. 



To the Little Green Trail 



Oh, the little green trail through the valley 



That leads to the land of Forget. 

 Where day-dreams come true to a dreamer. 



And there's no such thing as regret : 

 To live and find lite worth living. 



Yea, succeed and never fail, 

 I'or love is the prize they are giving 



At the end of the little green trail. 



— Reynolds 



Mamma's Pet 

 "Come, let me kiss away your tears," 



Said mamma to her pet ; 

 "JIs wait awhile," the youngster whined, 



"1 ain done tw'in yet." 



If there is nothing the matter with the baby 

 today its mother can worry because there may 

 lie tomorrow. 



"He's a star after-dinner speaker, isn't he?" 



"A star? He's a moon." 



"How?" 



"The fuller the brighter." 



The trouble v/Itu men wlio are all right other- 

 wise is their penchant for boasting of it. 



The man who insists upon having his own way 

 at all times will never acquire a reputation as a 

 popular person. 



Do your duty — but remember that it 

 your duty to do your friends. 



isn't 



The early cucumber Isn't made a Mason at 

 sight, but it's there when it comes to giving the 

 grip. 



A married woman seldom borrows trouble ; be- 

 Iween her husband and her dressmalier she 

 usually has enough of her own. 



The Hardwood Situation 



Only a Handful Left in First Hands 



Feminine Curiosity 



Her husband was a merchant, and one day 

 while down town she dropped into his office. 



"What are all those books on top of the safe?" 

 she asked. 



"Those are the day books, my dear," he re- 

 plied. 



"And where are the night books?" she queried. 



"Night books 1" he echoed In surprise. 



"Yes." she rejoined. "Those you have to 

 work over at night sometimes, when you are 

 kept here until 2 o'clock in the morning," — Chi- 

 cago News. 



Why He Disliked Opera 



This story Is told In Musical America of Ric- 

 cardo Martin, the operatic singer : It appears 

 that his tailor was very anxious to hear him 

 sing, so the other day Martin sent him a couple 

 of tickets for "Carmen." A few days later when 

 he saw the tailor he naturally asked him : "How 

 did you like it';" To which the tailor replied: 

 "It was simply awful ! Your trousers didn't fit 

 you at all \" — Ivansas City Star. 



"Was your husband kind to you during your 



illness?" 



"Koind? Ah, ludade, mum! Molke was more 

 loike a neighbor thon a husband." — Life. 



"How many races are there?" the teacher 

 asked, and the up-to-date pupil replied : "Five, 

 sir; the Caucasian, Mongolian, Negro, Indian 

 and Automobile races." 



All men are born equal, but the average wom- 

 an thinks she is superior. 



A man seldom realizes the true value of 

 money until he has to hand his hard-earned 

 s.nlary over to his wife. 



