28 



HARDWOOD RECORD 



Tigris Pertinent and Impertinent 



Friendship 



"To all I know : Maj it inchide 



The wisp, the witty and the shrewd. 



And such as own tlie double art 



That makes them friends of head and lieiirt. 



May those whom I now toast here 



Grow dearer with each added year ; 



Acquaintance into friendship grow. 



And friendship ever brighter glow. 



Old friends are best, we lightly say : 



But as they fall upon the way, 



Keep full the ranks with newer friends. 



Till time the adjective amends; 



And if old friends still seem the best. 



The adage should be thus expressed : 



Friends are not best because they're old, 



But old because the years that rolled — 



The .years that try and mar and mend — 

 Have proven them worth the title friend.' 



Blanc Mange 



Hubby's notion of nothing to eat is blani' 

 mange, so he fed his share to the terrier. Shortly 

 after a blanc spot appeared on the cur's bn';-k. 

 which Wifey says is mange. 



Mistakes 



"When did you commit your first fatal ex- 

 travagance?" 



"When my boss referred to my wages as my 

 'salary.* " 



"And when did you perpetrate this latest 

 tolly?" 



"The day my wife called my salary my 'in- 

 "ome.' " — rLEVF;L.\xD Leader. 



■Where the Others Failed 



A young man in quest of a situation entered 

 the apartment of a high bank officer and made 

 known his errand. 



"Well," kindly said the captain of finance, 

 "there's an opening in the bank for the right 

 young man, and there have been several appli- 

 cants for It already. Are you energetic and will- 

 ijig to learn?" 



"Try me, sir." 



"That's good for a starter. Do you gamble?" 



"No, sir. I have a mother to support and 

 can't risk my earnings that way." 



"Ahem. Now" — here the great man squared 

 himself l>efore his applicant, in indication that 

 the most important question was now to come. 

 "Do you ever go fishing?" 



An Unwelcome Visitor 



Here's your hat. What's your Hurry?" 



More Chances to Come 



When I look over the musty past, that lies in 

 eternal shade, regrets come over me, thick and 

 fast, regrets for the breaks I've made. I fooled 

 away many golden years, as though I had years 

 to burn, and out of their ashes I gather tears, 

 but the joys do not return. Dame Fortune 

 knocked at my humble door, with honors and 

 fame and pelf ; but I turned in bed with a lazy 

 snore and told her to chase herself. I browsed 

 around on the old dead grass, while others were 

 in the fold : I always loaded myself with brass 

 while others were after gold. And now, alas! in 



the yellow leaf, I'm busted and down at heel, 

 and I could let out a yell of grief that would 

 make your blood congeal. But away from the 

 moldy past I turn, to the future, glad and tree, 

 to the skies above, where the red stars burn — and 

 .\ ou won't hear a growl from me ! — Walt Mason. 



It is often evened up like this : 

 man — rich son, poor grandson. 



poor boy, rich 



The trouble with most men who get to the top 

 is that they have an irresistible desire to push 

 oft everybody else. 



David said that all men were liars and he 

 might have added that some men work at it 

 overtime. 



Fear of consequences keeps a lot of men In 

 the straight and narrow path. 



It is worth repeating that a good man in a 

 bad place is a misfit, but a bad man in a good 

 place is a misfortune. 



Why do we labor in this world? The attain- 

 able nobody wants : the unattainable nobody 

 can have. — S.mart Set. 



