TWENTIETH ANNUAL YEAR BOOK— PART III 253 



and I both come from Fort Dodge. I take pleasure in introducing 

 to you Mr. J. R. Files, of Fort Dodge. 



J. R. Files, Fort Dodge, Iowa : J\Ir. Toastmaster and gentlemen — 

 When I was asked by your officers to speak here tonight, they 

 wanted to know what I was going to talk about. I had a great deal 

 of misgiving in announcing any subject for the occasion, because I 

 always feel better when I get through if I can look everybody in 

 the face and none can accuse me of not having stuck to my text, and 

 for want of something better to say, I told your Mr. Lauer that 1 

 would talk about Robinson Crusoe. It seems that he took me 

 seriously and advertised me for that subject. Mark Twain, when 

 he was in his heyday, was giving Chautauqua lectures through- 

 out the country, and he had a half dozen different subjects that he 

 submitted to the different Chautauqua managements of which he 

 gave them their choice — but he had only one lecture. One time, out 

 of a spirit of deviltry, he added a seventh title to the list, and called 

 it "Onions," and one of the managements to which the list was sub- 

 mitted wanted to hear his lecture on "Onions." He didn't know 

 quite what to do, but he went through with it anyway, and he 

 started out something like this : "Ladies and gentlemen, my subject 

 tonight is 'Onions.' It is a very strong subject and you will please 

 pardon me if I don't refer to it again during the course of my lec- 

 ture." 



There was an Irishman that had been attending Billy Sunday's 

 revival meetings and he became a very enthusiastic convert and he 

 became possessed with the idea that he was called to preach the 

 gospel. So his friends, before he was turned loose on an unsuspect- 

 ing public, thought they would give him a try-out in a little country 

 schoolhouse. And he started out about like this : "Brethren and 

 Sistern, you will find my text this evening in the 1-eyed chapter of 

 the 2-eyed John, being in substance as follows, to wit : 'And the 

 devil went forth as a roaring lion seeking whom he might devour.' 

 This text naturally divides itself into three separate and distinct 

 parts. In the first place, where did he come from ; in the second 

 place, why did he come, and in the third place, what in the devil is 

 he roaring about." 



Now the subject, "Robinson Crusoe," is not without its signifi- 

 cance. Robinson Crusoe stood for a type with which the world has 

 been familiar since the beginning of recorded time. He played a 

 lone hand. You know that the first murder committed, of which we 

 have knowledge, was the murder of Abel, and a voice said, "Cain, 



