April i, 1908.] 



THE INDIA RUBBER WORLD 



225 



Hoolihan's Fire Hose Specifications. 



I HAD not seen Hoolihan for ten years, and supposed he had 

 gone to that bourne from which no traveHng man returns, 

 when, to my delight — hale, hearty, with the old time twinkle 

 in his eye — he entered the office. After mutual felicitations he 

 said : 



"Did ye know av me new appintment?" 



''Not a word," said I; "tell nie?" 



"Sure th' govermint has forrmed a Fideral Advisory an' Inquis- 

 itorial Bureau fer th' supervision av fire hoase, an I am th' Thrav- 

 eling Expert." 



"What do your duties involve ?" 



"Iverything, me bye, from tellin' th' manufacturer how to 

 wash rubber, ter puttin' kid gloves on th' firemin so as not to 

 sile th' hoase. It's a graate job. Just now I am requisted be th' 

 National Boord av Overwriters to dhraw up speccefications for 

 the makin' av cotton, rubber-lined hoase." 



"May I see them?" I asked, eagerly. 



THE TRAVELING EXPERT. 



"I'll rade some av thim,'' said he, with dignity. 



"Firrst: Pit the naame av the maaker on ivery lenth of hoase, 

 in black letthers wan foot high. 



"Sicond : Pit the naame of the man that buys it on ivery lenth 

 of hoase, with daate, price, and steenographic noates taken in 

 sacret av the whole transaction, in black stincilled letthers wan 

 thousandth av wan inch high. 



"A. Ivery lenth of hoase shall be woven with 6 picks and 4 

 shovels in the filling. 



"B. Where 2 jackets are used wan sliall be a cardigan and the 

 other a pilot jacket. 



"C. All the cotton used in the hoase shall be tisted in the 

 laberthry av th' Overwriters' Association and must not contaain 

 more than sivin per cent, av silk or other deeleterious substance. 



"D. The interrnal diamether av the hoase shall be liss than 

 tlie exterrnal diamether." 



"That's fine," said I. 



"Waait." said Hoolihan ; "ther's more and betther," and he 

 read: 



"rubber lining. 



"A. Must contaain one hundhred per cint. av pure rubber, 

 gathered be union laabor. 



"B. The wather used in washin' the rubber shall be filthered 

 an' distilled and show no thrace av acid. Club sody-wather 



havin' a yeller cast and a smoky taste is distinctly con- 

 dimned. 



"C. Ahl tubes shall be lap jinted; the laps of the workers 

 bein' proticted be ilecloth aprons as they sit at their work. 



"D. Aich an' ivery tube shall have a continuous hole 

 throughout its entire length. This hole shall be coated with 

 special soapstone, supplied only be th' Overwriters' Labrytrys, 



TESTING THE WATER. 



SO that after vulcanization the hole may be pulled out 

 without tearin' av the rubber linin'. 



"COOPLINGS. 



"Cooplings shall be pit an boath av the two inds av aich 

 hoase. No firemin shall be allowed to pit the ends av two 

 hoases together except with cooplings. Manny caases av new- 

 mony have resoolted from the min holdin inds of hoase to- 



COUPLINGS. 



gether to lave the wather thru during conflagrations. Such 

 conduct is rhraprehinsible, perrilous, and waasteful. 



"twist. 

 "Anny undue amount av twist is looked upon as showin' 

 ingratitude on th' parrt av the manufacturer. The guarantees 



