ELEVENTH ANNUAL YEAE BOOK— PART XI 703 



barrel of salt, a sack of sugar. Of course there are a few months in the 

 year the farmer cannot use his auto and that is winter time. 



No man, be he farmer or city resident, should go in debt for an auto- 

 mobile. If you haven't the money or the money directly in sight you had 

 better stop right there and wait until you have. 



I believe the average farmer works a great deal harder for what he 

 gets than does the average city worker and because he is a farmer is no 

 reason why he should not enjoy a pleasure he can afford especially if 

 there can be a business help mixed in with a pleasure taking. The auto- 

 mobile craze was all right as long as it was in the city but now that it has 

 spread to the country it has taken on a different light. I hardly think 

 the farmer spending the money he has earned will cause a financial 

 stringency. 



Edison says the day is not far distant when all manner of farm labor 

 will be done by motor power and that horses will not be used on the roads 

 and much less on the farm. Of course time will tell all this. Perhaps 

 some of my farmer friends might need some directions as to running 

 their automobile, especially those who contemplate purchasing one next 

 spring. Its an easy thing to start one but to get the thing stopped is 

 where the amateur gets left. 



There's no use to reverse the lever, yell whoa, put the stop cock on, 

 lean back — that won't do it. You must keep your head, cultivate an air 

 of indifference and refrain from flightfulness for you are not running 

 an airship. Firmly, yet gently, pull the do-flicker that increases the 

 speed back to the place where it was to begin with, put your foot on the 

 dingfum that touches the thingumbob, press the sockdolger over the but- 

 ton, raise the lever of the non-composmentis until it is in line with the 

 clodbuster. unhook the condivias until it ceases to combobolate and yank 

 the everlasting stuffing out of the whangdoodle. This will bring the ma- 

 chine to a dead standstill. Profanity will imperil your standing in the 

 church and do no good. The auto is perfectly willing to stop if ap- 

 proached in a spirit of amity and good will. 



You know that if you are running at the rate of 60 miles an hour you 

 cannot expect to stop at the rate of 90' miles per minute. If you do it 

 is bound to go end over end at least three times and you will be lucky 

 if you get out without having your hair mussed up. 



Now a few words to the farmer's son who tries to run the auto with 

 one hand and court his lady love with the other, then I am done. Do 

 not forget the turns in the road. Don't try to put on the break with the 

 wrong hand for if you do you are liable to run through a garden fence 

 on to some millionaire's porch, you and your lady love going through the 

 window and find yourselves in the parlor sitting under the what not. It 

 requires brains to run an automobile, to stop one and court a lady while 

 riding in one. It is far preferable that both hands be used to manipulate 

 the machine. There is a question today in the minds of some of our most 

 profound thinkers as to whether an auto is an improvement over & 

 steady driving horse for joy riding or courtship. It is rare that a horse 

 cannot be managed with one hand and the other left free for emergency, 



