Pace Twelve 



L V L U T I N 



September, 1928 



Funnymentals 



'"Every person who shall blaspheme 

 against God, either of the persons of the 

 Holy Trinity, the Christian religion, or 

 the Holy Scriptures, shall be fined not 

 more than one hundred dollars, and im- 

 .prisoned in a jail not more than one year, 

 and may also be bound to his good be- 

 havior." — Sec. 1323 General Statutes of 

 Connecticut. 



"Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." — 

 Exodus xxii, 18. 



"If we could divide the human race into 

 two distinct groups we might allow evolu- 

 tionists to worship brutes as ancestors, but 

 they insist on connecting all mankind 

 with the jungle. "We have a right to protect 

 our family tree." — Wm. Jennings Bryan, 

 in The Menace of Darwinism. 



"If the brute theory leads to the aban- 

 donment of belief in a future life with its 

 rewards and punishments, what stimulus 

 to righteous living is offered in its place?" 

 — Idem. 



"The Great Pyramid stands as silent 

 witness against materialistic evolution. It 

 furnishes evidence that the first man in- 

 stead of being a hairy primate just down 

 out of the trees was the most perfect of 

 all mere men, the most knowing and the 

 most exalted; that the rare and special 

 rapport with the supreme intelligence, 

 which for certain gracious purposes was 

 afterwards vouchsafed to the prophets, was 

 Adam's normal condition; that the highest 

 state of mind and heart, and such qualifi- 

 cations as best fitted him for his earthly 

 life and destiny were realized in him as 

 he came from the Creator's hand. 



"No ugly, walking ape or ignorant sav- 

 age, tenant of semi-tropic woods or musty 

 caves, did God behold and bless when He 

 set Adam in the world as the image of 

 Himself and proclaimed him good." — Dr. 

 Charles Spurgeon Knight, in The Defend- 

 er, July, 1928. 



"Books can bite; books have poisonous 

 fangs, and American libraries may not all 

 be known as snake museums; but the 

 snake of infidelity and atheism is abund- 

 ant in most of them." — W. B. Riley in 

 Christian Fundamentalist, Sept., 1928. 



"The first proposition that the sun is 

 the center and does not revolve around 

 the earth is foolish, absurd, false in the- 

 ology and heretical because expressly con. 

 trary to Holy Scripture. The second 

 proposition that the earth is not the cen- 

 ter but revolves about the sun is absurd, 

 foolisli, false in philosophy and from a 

 theological standpoint at least, opposed 

 to true faith." Decision regarding Galileo 

 by Holy Inquisition at Rome. 



FROM SCHOOLBOY 

 SCIENCE PAPERS 



The earth makes a 

 resolution every twen- 

 ty-four hours. 



The difference be- 

 tween air and water is 

 that air can be made 

 wetter and water can 

 not. 



We are now masters 

 of steam and eccen- 

 tricity. 



Things that are 

 ;qual to each other 

 ire equal to anything 

 ;lse. 



Gravity is chiefly no- 

 liceable in the autumn, 

 when the apples are 

 falling from the trees. 



The axis of the earth 

 is an imaginary line 

 on which the earth 

 :akes its daily routine. 



A parallel straight 

 line is one which if 

 produced to meet itself 

 Joes not meet. 



Electricity and light- 

 ning are of the same 

 nature, the only differ- 

 ence being that light- 

 ning is often several 

 miles long while elec- 

 tricity is only a few 

 inches. 

 —Boston Transcripft. 



Send us quotations for "Funnymentals" 

 column. Be exact. Give authority. 



Noah On Evolution 



By Pauline H. Dederer 



On top of Mt. Ararat, old uncle Noah s;U 

 Ki'adiug tlie news in tlie Daily Earth. 

 (Juoth he, "Mrs. Noah, I'd ju.st lil;t' tu show a 

 Fool editor here what I think he is worth! 



"lu the dread name of science, he bids us defiance. 

 And calmly declares us to be but a myth 

 Of the old nature fakers, and histor.v makers, 

 In order to give their books piquanuc and pith. 



"Man of ape is the brother, or cousin, or other 

 Near relative, he says, of nobler estate. 

 Who lost his long tail, and grew brains to such scale 

 That he's now mighty proud of the shape of his pate." 



Said old uncle Noah. "I think they might go a 

 Long wa.v ere thej' found such ancestors as we, 

 And why they should spurn us, so meanly down-turn us. 

 Is more than my old eyes can possibly see. 



"M.v grandfather Adam, the boys and the madam, 

 I always supposed were the first of our race; 

 But if 'tis a fable about Cain and Abel — 

 The Tower of Babel — there's nary such place. 



"Po you think we were dreaming whiMi we saw the streaming 

 Of flesh, fish, and fowl through the doors of our camp? 

 .\nd don't you remember, one day in September, 

 My love, yon declared thiit the place was TOO damp? 



"This cult of the monk is just nothing but bunk — 

 An ape for a grand-dad — the big hairy brute! 

 "WliJit tliat man doesn't know I can very soon show. 

 And pull up his family tree trunk, branch and root. 



"To his office we'll hump us. stir up such a rumpus 

 He'll make quick retracting, and grant us redress, 

 .4nd I'll wager a dime that in double quick time 

 You'll see a fine write-up of us in the press." 



From Our Readers 



"We are not interested in your Evolu- 

 tion and infidelity nor your 'ancestors'. 

 Send it to those who descended from the 

 monkey." — J. D. Hammond, Beebe, Ark. 



"Please rush us six copies of Evolu- 

 tion." — Warner Drug Co.; Hoxie, Ark. 



■'Read your Bible first." — Arrow Variety 

 Store, Morrilton, Ark. 



"Send me some order blanks and I will 

 get all the subscriptions I can before elec- 

 tion as I would hate to see the fundamen- 

 talists pass their anti-evolution bill. Got 

 these four subs in a few minutes, in fact 

 made four sales out of five calls." — C. D. 

 Foreman, Arkansas. 



"Men, your fight has just begun. May 

 your courage (and cash) endure. Kill the 

 Beast!" — George Wolpert, New York. 



"I find Evolution a bright, snappy 

 sheet. — just the thing for conversion of 

 the heathen."' — -C. H. Dresser, Connecticut. 



"The other $1 is for the benighted in 

 Arkansas province. Use it to send Evolu- 

 tion to twenty in the twilight zone, or 

 should I have said land of the midnight 

 sun." — Marshall Dunn, New York. 



IF YOU KNOW A STREET SPEAKER 



do him a favor by calling his attention to 

 Evolution. A short talk will sell a lot of 

 copies at any meeting. We furnish them 

 at 20 for a dollar. 



THE CHOICE 



The Eunnymental preacher 



L)enies his monkey blood; 

 Wants his children's teacher 



To teach they siirang from mud ! 



Why should he get the dumps 



About his monkey blood: 

 Isn't the monkey man.v jumps 



Ahead of a lump of mud ? 



— Bo'i Lyle. 



"Send me 30 copies. Of all that I have 

 received, none remain in my possession, 

 owing to their seizure by interested 

 friends." Hymie Karshofsky, Tennessee. 



"Please send complete set of Evolution- 

 and continue for the year. I already sub- 

 scribe, but cant keep the copies. The 

 second set I shall have bound." Charles 

 W. Towmsend, Massachusetts. 



"Enclosed check for $10 as contribution 

 to your educational campaign on ignorance. 

 May your valuable work bring fruit." — M. 

 Zametkin. 



"While we are not science teachers, we- 

 are professional women with University 

 degrees and are naturally interested to see 

 the battle against ignorance and bigotry 

 waged as vigorously as possible. Enclosed 

 find check to aid in your campaign in 

 heathen Arkansas." — Misses C. Z. and F. 

 M. Hartman, Illinois. 



"I have read with pleasure every num- 

 ber of Evolution and wish to compliment 

 you on the magazine's excellent 'get-up". 

 It is a much needed periodical and I wish 

 it every success." Stephen C. Preston,. 

 Oregon. 



"There is a mighty field for Evolution. 

 I look forward to its gigantic growth and 

 success, and with all my heart I welcome 

 it and wish for its universal spread." 

 F. F. Berry, Calif. 



"Send the splendid magazine to the five 

 addresses. Success and best of luck.'" 

 Benjamin Fine. New York. 



