May 9, 1867. ] 



JOURNAL OP HOBTICUIiTUBE AND COTTAGE GAEDBNER. 



321 



CRINOLINE. 



N the cour.se of tlie Inst 3"ear 

 I observed in your .Journal 

 • — I beg pardon, "our .Jour- 

 nal " — an advertisement 

 several times repeated, and 

 headed, " Tlic inoraentous 

 question crinoline ;" and once, " The gi'eat crinoline ques- 

 tion solved." I found no solution of the momentous ques- 

 tion attempted, either in that advertisement or in aiy 

 subsequent one ; but it naturally excited a spirit of inquiry. 

 and such questions as the following arose in the minds of 

 tlioughtful readers : " How came such an advertisement to 

 be sent to a .Journal of Horticulture?" "Is there any 

 occult or recondite connection between crinoline and gar- 

 dening ? " To whom is tlie great and momentous question 

 addressed — to ladies only, to horticulturists, or to whom '.' ' 

 " What is the great and momentous question concerning 

 crinoUne ? " and " how is it to be solved'.' ' After rumi- 

 nating upon these several queries, and turning them well 

 over in my mind, I at length obtained, as I apprehend, a 

 clue to the profound mystery. 



Crinoline /((/.•>• something to do, or to H«do with horticul- 

 ture, and the great qu .>stion for solution is, Wliether it is 

 to be included among " Our Garden Friends or Foes '.' ' I 

 turned to the interesting volume under this title by the 

 Rev. J. G. Wood ; there was no mention of crinoline in 

 the index, nor did I thid it included among the various 

 species of /n</v-bird, all of whom he decidedly reckons as 

 garden friends ; so I conclude that he was too wise to 

 venture upon so delicate as well as momentous a question. 

 and prudence, therefore, dictates that I should confine my- 

 self to supplying the reader with materials for reflection, 

 without pronouncing any verdict, and let him arrive at 

 tlie solution himself by the deductive or inductive process, 

 whichever he may prefer. 



I fear that I must myself be of a peculiarly sensitive 

 temperament when I avow that the very sight of crinoline 

 among my flower-beds, except it be restricted within the 

 very smallest dimensions, does communicate to me an inde- 

 scribable sort of electric shock. It may be that in certain 

 crinolined petticoats there is some mixture of copper and 

 zinc wire wliich transforms them into portable galvanic 

 batteries, only I am at a loss in that case to know where 

 the acids are to come from which evolve the electricity, 

 when those who wear those articles abound only in sweets : 

 therefore I must abandon that hypothesis, and come to 

 the conclusion that there is a certiiin condition of the 

 nervous system superinduced in amateur horticulturists, 

 like myself, at the sight of these appendages ; for I have 

 observed that those wiio have no real taste for the art can 

 foUow in the wake of crinoline, and behold with stoical 

 No. 313 —Vol, XII.. New Sebiib. 



I indifference the ravages made by it ; whilst I have been 

 I like a toad under a harrow at every step wliich it has 

 made, my linrrnirnl feelings rendered the more painful 

 because 1 have had to endure my agony in silence. 



" Ravages ! " I think I hear some fair one wliilst perus- 

 ing these lines exclaim at that word ravages, " What 

 ravages can this writer mean ? " I nevertheless must in 

 sober seriousness repeat the word ravages. Yes, I have 

 witnessed many a blooming flower laid low in the borders 

 by the mere fact of one of these mowing machines being 

 conducted along its boundary, one-third at least of the 

 hoop reaching into the bed and ruthlessly sweeping down 

 wliatsoever opposed its progress, the fair one who con- 

 ducted the machine talking, smiling, laughing, heedless of 

 the devastation she was committing ! I3ut what is even 

 this compared with a party of three or four visiting your 

 garden for the express purpose of admiring your pets? 

 (very flattering 1), who enter into the mazes of your par- 

 terres, the patterns being formed by narrow alleys of green 

 turf and follow each other singly, like wild fowl, through 

 all the intricacies and involutions of the flowery labyrinth 

 — the skirts of each one far overlapping the beds on both 

 sides — looking before and on each side of them as they 

 thread their course, talking and exclaiming, " Oh ! how 

 lovely I " or, " How beautiful ! " or, " Dear, how very 

 pretty !" (poor comfort !) , but never looking behind them 

 at tlie way in which they are sweeping down, as with the 

 besom of destruction. Pelargoniums. Calceolarias, Verbenas, 

 Petunias, and what not. A tornado, a typhoon, or a cy- 

 clone could do little worse. 



Before the bedding season commences you are liable in 

 the parterres to the same irruptions of the Vandal crino- 

 line ; when tho beds are full of bulbs in bloom, the same 

 " fell swoop " passes over Tulips. Anemones, and the like ; 

 you may even hear the snap of your Van Thols and Hya- 

 cinths, and plants of succulent or brittle stem, and see 

 them lie decapitated before you. I confess, that pleased 

 as I am to greet the joyous faces of such visitors when 

 entering the garden, I feel relieved when I see them with- 

 draw from it. They remind me in such a case of a saying 

 of old Berridge. a facetious but truly excellent divine, that 

 the visit of a friend sometimes afforded him two sources of 

 pleasure. " I am glad," quoth he, " when my friend cvmcs, 

 and I am glad when my friend ;/»(■»." 



I saj' nothing of the conservatory, because I do not my- 

 self possess one worthy of being so called. The flowering 

 plants in my humble greenhouse are not placed within the 

 range of tliese formidable weapons ; but I have seen con- 

 servatories on the premises of friends in which the alleys 

 liave been but narrow, or the whole area too much crowded 

 with plants, through which, as armour-plated ladies have 

 passed along, they have brushed ott' the bloom from those 

 plants which were on the floor, to the no small discomfit 

 of the gardener. I have heard of a conservatory in the 

 vicinity of New York over the entrance of which was a 

 notice — " Ladies not admitted except in bloomers." 



Well, a good moral lesson may, after all, be derived from 

 these trifling mortiflcations incident to human civilisation, 

 if we have but grace to receive it. They teach us the vanity 



No. 971.— Vol.. XXSVII., OlJ> Seiues. 



