91 



" ! Betsy, here is troubles as ever I have had, 

 There's Brown have been and kill'd hisself, or what's ahnost as bad, 

 A-moaning and a-groaning as he's lying in his bed, 

 With the cramps a-flying round him, and a swooming in his head ; 

 Which I tells him 'tis a judgment, and he merits what he's got. 

 A-going a philandering with that botheration lot, 

 A-dining with the Cotsiills* and the Wallops* as they call 'em ; 

 Drat all that lot, I'd wallop 'em if I could overhaul 'em. 

 He would go ofT to Malvern, to somebody's museum, 

 To look at stones and things, as does no good to them as see 'em : 

 For my part I could never tell what is the satisfaction 

 Them Cotsulls takes in looking at a ugly petrifaction. 

 But its my belief as 'tisn't only stones they goes to see, 

 And there's some of their acquaintance no better than they should be : 

 For there they sat a-talking about their nasty fossils, 

 A-drinking tea and biscuits and buttered toast in mossels ; 

 And Dr. Wright a-telling 'em about one Sally Urans, t 

 And other brazen hussies, as passed off for demure 'ims ; 

 A lot of Trollopltest he'd met a- walking on the beaches, 

 A pretty thing for married men a-larking with such leeches : 

 As I teUs Brown, if I'd been there, and met him with that thingamy, 

 rd let him and that hussey know I wouldn't stand no bigamy ; 

 And if that's how they carries on a-going of these excursions, 

 'Tis time these Cotsulls had a stopper put on their diversions. 

 Well, when they'd drunk their tea and heard all Dr. Wright could teach 'em. 

 They took their leave and went away to dinner at the Beechem. 

 Brown's got a printed paper with the dinner all set down, 

 A dinner fit to set before a King as wears a crown ; 

 But when they come to eat it, if Brown don't tell no fable. 

 The dinner was upon the bQl, but wasn't on the table, 

 For though they'd written down two soups, giblets, and Juliun, 

 As far as Brown could make it out there wasn't enough of one ; 

 As for the other things set down they wasn't to be had. 

 And the Cotsulls and the WoUops a-taking on Uke mad. 

 And everyone a-crying out for something for to eat, 

 Brown he got currant jelly, but he couldn't get no meat ; 

 •And some a-speaking softly, some a-cussing at the waiters. 

 Who never brought 'em nothing but bottled beer and taturs— 

 The President a-sitting before a joint of beef. 

 Like patience at a moniment a-smiling at their grief : 

 And Mr. Symonds going round using of soothing means, 

 A-offering them the Reading Sauce and handing kidney beans ; 

 But what's the good of kidney beans, and what's the good of sauce, 



* Cotsalls and Wallops — probably Cotteswolds and Woolhopes. 

 t Sally Uranii — Qwrre Silurians. 

 t Trollopites— Q«<we Trilobltes. 

 H 



