230 THE MICROSCOPE. 



he doesn't, he is a materialist. If he dresses neatly he is proud; if 

 he does not, he is wanting in self-respect. If his wife does not 

 visit you, she is "stuck up;" if she does, she is fishing for patients 

 for her husband. If he has a good turnout, he is extravagant; if he 

 uses a poor one on the score of economy, he is deficient in necessary 

 pride. If he does not write a prescription for every trifling ailment, 

 he is careless; if he does, "he deluges one with medicine."' If he 

 makes parties, it is to soft-soap the people to get their money; if he 

 does not make them he is afraid of a cent. If his horse is fat it is 

 because he has nothing to do; if he is lean, it is because he isn't 

 taken care of. If he drive fast, it is to make people believe some- 

 body is very sick; if he drives slowly, he has no interest in the wel- 

 fare of his patients. If the patient recovers, it is owing to the good 

 nursing he received; if he dies, "the doctor did not understand his 

 sickness." If he talks much, "we don't like a doctor to tell every- 

 thing he knows," or, "he is altogether too familiar;" if he don't talk, 

 "we like to see a doctor sociable." If he says anything about politics 

 "he had better let it alone;" if he don't say anything about it, "we 

 like to see a man show his colors." If he does not come immedi- 

 ately when sent for, "he takes things too easy;" if he sends in his 

 bill, "he is in a terrible hurry for his money." If he visits his patients 

 every day, it is to run up a bill; if he don't, it is unjustifiable negli- 

 gence. If he orders the same medicine, it does no good; if he 

 changes the prescription, he is in league with the druggist. If he 

 uses any of the popular remedies of the^ day, it is to cater to the 

 whims and prejudice of the people, to fill his pockets; if he don't 

 use them, it is from professional selfishness. If he is in the habit of 

 having frequent consultations, it is because he knows nothing; if he 

 objects to having them on the ground that he understands his own 

 business, "he is afraid of exposing his ignorance to his superiors." 

 If he gets pay for one-half his services he deserves to be canonized. 

 Who wouldn't be an M. D.? — The Hebrew Standard. 



McCalla's Nose-Piece.- — Prof. A. McCalla refers to a form of 

 nose-piece which he considers to have some advantages over Pease's 

 "Facility" nose-piece and that of Nelson. "It is simply a form of 

 bayonet catch which would dispense entirely with the screw, and 

 hold the objective perfectly secure against sagging on one side or 

 working loose when the adjustment collar was in use." 



