1825.) 
own ignorance, and, what is of still 
more importance, his utter want of 
taste and fashion: and how can any 
lady or gentleman dream of understand- 
ing a common newspaper, or even a 
newspaper advertisement, without hay- 
ing dived into the regions of philoso- 
phy? Impossible. This, above all 
others, is the age of philosophy. We 
haye the philosophy of history, the 
philosophy of brewing, the philosophy 
of arithmetic, of gardening, and of 
cooking: washing and milk-selling obey 
her laws; barbers shave and crop upon 
philosophical principles; and_ tailors 
and shoemakers are entirely guided by 
the philosophy of mensuration in the 
practice of their respective crafts. 
How charming is divine Philosophy ! 
Not harsh and crabbed, as dull fools suppose ; 
But musical, as is Apollo's lute ; 
And a perpetual feast of nectar’d sweets, 
Where no crude surfeit reigns. Milton. 
How lamentable must it be for a very 
feeling heart to reflect on the immense 
number of our fellow-countrymen, who, 
from a defective education, are -inca- 
pable of following these ingenious pur- 
suits in a truly philosophical manner ! 
Possessing myself a heart which is ever 
desirous of benefiting the species, I 
have taken the hard case of these our 
fellow-countrymen into my serious con- 
sideration; and flatter myself with hay- 
ing discovered, after much study, an 
effectual means of obviating their mis- 
fortunes. As I am not desirous of sor- 
did gain,—honour and an applauding 
conscience being my only aim,—I send 
forth at once my plan to the public; con- 
scious, however, that the power of 
carrying it into execution must finally 
rest on myself alone. For, much as I 
detest puffing, and abhor vanity, I must 
nevertheless be allowed to declare, that 
a person conversant with every species 
of philosophy is not to be found in 
every age. 
The first part of my plan consists of 
a joint-stock company, similar in prin- 
ciple to those laudable institutions with 
which we abound so much at present. 
It will be called the “ Joint-Stock Phi- 
losophical Company,” in 10,000 shares 
of £100 each; and, to prevent an inor- 
dinate monopoly, I must insist that no 
person take more than ten shares. 
Though I am fully aware of the great 
premium the shares will bear on enter- 
ing the market, I commence on this 
small scale to convince every one of its 
importance and practicability, to drown 
the detractions of envy, and the secret 
Joint-Stock Philosophical Company. 
223 
insinuations of slander: I shall then re- 
construct it on a more splendid scale, 
which shall be equally worthy of the 
plan and its object. There is one slight 
remark I must here make, of which 
every gentleman will see the prepriety— 
that the interests of the company neces- 
sarily demand that its direction be 
vested in myself alone. ; 
Having thus despatched the mecha- 
nical part of my subject, I now proceed 
to the intellectual one. 
My object is, as stated above, to 
supply my country with philosophy ; 
and whoever may be the applicants, and 
of whatever article they may stand 
in need, the company will be equally 
prepared with an ample supply. The 
“ Philosophecia”’ or “ Philosophy 
House,’—for thus will be named the 
office of the society,—shall consist of a 
variety of departments, each of them 
being fitted up with pigeon - holes 
(according to the receipt of an illus- 
trious statesman, now no more); and 
from these pigeon-holes the demands 
of all classes and members of society 
will be unerringly supplied. 
One division of this national esta- 
blishment will be devoted exclusively to 
the interests of tradesmen, each trade 
being allotted its particular pigeon- 
hole. The philosophical principles of 
trade in general,—such as the philoso- 
phy of puffing, of credit, and of cut- 
ting a dash,—with an abstract of the 
philosophy of the King’s Bench, may be 
procured by the tradesman, separately 
or conjointly, with that of his trade. I 
have in my eye a gentleman, who is pe- 
culiarly qualified for conducting this 
department, having been five times a 
bankrupt; and, being constantly in 
rules himself, he must be highly capa- 
ble of giving them to others. As un- 
foreseen demands may be made, and 
bright suggestions sometimes offered, I, 
hereby pledge myself to keep a suffi- 
cient number of steady, careful, and 
expeditious philosephers, who will be 
always prepared for every emergency. 
—N.B. A few philosophical tradesmen 
wanted for this department. None need 
apply who have not been three times 
bankrupt, and are not thoroughly ac- 
quainted with the King’s Bench, Fleet 
and Marshalsea. 
It would be tedious and unnecessary 
to go through the circle of trades and 
professions, in order to prove the per- 
fection of my plan. A word to the wise 
is enough. It will be sufficient, there- 
fore, to remark, that the philosophy f 
all 
