1825.) 
note and a shilling, &c. &c. we come to 
that sublime specimen of modern phi- 
losophy, the Sinking Fund, or the art 
of a nation’s gaining immense sums by 
paying money to itself. To such an ex- 
tent has this art been carried, that the 
only fear is, lest the debt should be paid off 
too fast, and the nation gain too much, 
This bright idea originated with a 
certain physician, who, when prescribing 
for himself, was, nevertheless, observed 
still to receive his fee; for he took a 
guinea from his right hand breeches 
pocket and put it carefully into his left. 
Tgnorant persons might imagine it to be 
a fixed principle that debt is a bad 
thing: in nothing, more than this, do 
the errors of ignorance appear; for we 
have triumphantly proved that a na- 
tional debt is the sure sign and cause 
of the wealth, happiness and glory of a 
country. The ignorant, also, foolishly 
presume that there was something like 
inconsistency in the two assertions of 
a celebrated modern political philoso- 
pher, that the starvation and misery of 
a country is caused by there being too 
much food in it; and that the same 
effect arises from there being too many 
mouths to be fed with it, or, as the vulgar 
would interpret, too little food —facts, 
which we have fully confirmed and il- 
lustrated, for the edification of all those 
‘wrong-headed persons who have hither- 
to been so ignorant of the philosophy . 
of political paradox, as not to know 
that, in politics, contradictory positions 
may demonstrate each other. 
The greatest difficulty is apprehended 
in meeting the wishes of those ladies 
and gentlemen who turn philosophers for 
want of something to do. Although, 
to give universal satisfaction in this 
respect, has been hitherto deemed im- 
possible, we do not despair; for we 
‘engage to supply, not one particular 
kind of philosophy, but any kind what- 
ever that may suit the tastes and incli- 
nations of this class of our customers. 
Some ladies and gentlemen will prefer 
the philosophy of Diogenes, which con- 
sists in being in a tub, snarling at their 
neizhbours, and going out at noon, with 
a lantern, in search of an honest man, 
which it is clear they cannot find at 
home. Other persons appear capti- 
vated with the Pythagorean philosophy, 
which holds that the souls of men in- 
habit, after death, the bodies of brutes :* 
* Or kidney beans :—Pythagoras had a 
prodigious respect for beans; thinking 
in a state of pre-existence, he had 
been himself a bean.—Eprr. 
Monxrtuty Mac. No. 408. 
Joint-Stock Philosophical Company. 
225 
a mutation for which they may wish to 
prepare themselves in the most pro- 
mising way,during this their state of pro- 
bation. Elderly unmarried ladies, &c. 
would seem, from the affection they 
shew to lap-dogs, cats and monkeys, 
to be staunch admirers of this doctrine: 
and, from them, we expect a great de- 
mand for the principles and particulars 
of the philosophy of Pythagoras, We 
expect, however, a far greater—a uni- 
versal demand, for one species of phi- 
losophy which has held unrivalled sway, 
in ancient as well as modern times. 
The fcunder of this sect was the fa- 
mous Epicurus. That such expecta- 
tions are neither wild nor visionary 
must be obvious to all on a moment’s 
consideration. Are not the portly Al- 
dermen, the high and mighty rulers of 
this great metropolis, particularly de- 
voted to this philosophy ; and must not 
he who aspires after similar honours 
direct his studies in a similar way? 
That this philosophy is the most gene- 
rally attractive clearly appears from the 
following particulars:—that if a so- 
ciety, for instance, be formed to con- 
vert the Jews, it can only succeed by 
means of dinners; a lying-in hospital 
can neither be founded nor continued 
but by similar means. If gentlemen 
differ, and lay a wager, a rump and 
dozen is the only conclusion. Are we 
joyful ourselves, and desirous that 
others should be merry also, we give a 
dinner and plenty of wine? Are we 
sad, and desirous of evincing our 
lasting grief for the loss of “ the Pilot 
who weather’'d the storm!’ we must 
consume “ every delicacy of the sea- 
son,” and wash them down with deep 
potations, until, at last, sorrow get so far 
the better of reason, that we fall insen- 
sible under the table. Are we desirous 
of founding a Bible society ; then must 
we still resort to a dinner, as the only 
true means of comparing the vanity of 
worldly pleasures with the unfading de- 
light of spiritual enjoyments. 
Should any gentleman be desirous of 
universal knowledge, we engage to sup- 
ply him with an abridgment of Aris- 
totle’s Categories, which, though con- 
sisting only of nine words, will enable 
him quickly to know all about every 
thing. Those who are so modest as: to 
doubt whether they really do exist, and 
who do not even “ think they are think- 
ing,’ may be equally accommodated 
with imprevements on Berkeley, 
It should also be fully borne in mind, 
that this company affords to the public 
2G : the 
