1826.] Kitchiners Housekeeper i Ledger for 1826. 33 



At the last General Meeting, it was unaniinotisly Resolved, that 



1st. "An Invitation to ETA • BETA • PI • must be answered in writing, as 

 " soon as possible after it is received — within twenty-four hours, at latest." 

 reckoning from that on which it is dated j otherwise the Secretary will have the 

 profound regret to feel that the invitation has been definitively declined 



2dly. The Secretary having re|)resented that the perfection of several of the 

 preparations is so exquisitely evanescent, that the delay of one minute after 

 their arrival at the meridian of concoction, will render them no longer worthy 

 men of taste. 



Therefore, to ensure the punctual attendance of those illustrious gastro- 

 philists who on grand occasions are invited to join this high tribunal of 

 taste — for their own pleasure and the benefit of their country — it is irrevocably 

 resolved, ' That the Janitor be ordered not to admit any visitor, of whatever 

 eminence of appetite, after the hour which the Secretary shall have announced 

 that the specimens are ready.' 



After such notice, one would suppose that only those imperfect beings who 

 have, somehow or other, been born san.i brain, snns bowels, and sans every 

 thing but mere legs and arms, will think of coming after the appointed hour 

 — but those who are too stupid to understand the importance of the regular 

 performance of the restorative process as it relates to themselves, are seldom 

 very particular how they destroy the enjoyments of other — their want of the 

 cream of politeness arises from their lack of the inilk of hunii'.n kindness. 



What can arguments avail you if nature has not furnished your auditor w itli 

 either sense or senses to understand them? — your only defence a^iinst such 

 gentlefolk is to tell them plainly that you dine " a la Bosvii.le." 



The crazy creatures whom your eloquence cannot persuade to be punctual 

 for their own comfort sake, it is your duty to bar from destroying the comfort 

 of your other guests : — Let not the Innocent suffer for the Guilty ! 



BoiLEAu, the French satirist, has a shrewd observation on this subject. 

 " I have always been punctual at the hour of dinner," says the bard, " for I 

 knew, that all those whom I kept waiting at that provoking interval would 

 employ those unpleasant moments to sum up all my faults.— Boii.eau is indeed 

 a man of genius— a very honest man ; — but that dilatory and procrastinating 

 way he has got into would mar the virtues of an angel." 



A man of genius ! it is impossible. Great as our respect is for the 

 French satirist, we give him up after that. He cannot have been a 

 man of any talent whatsoever, if he had no regard to the spoiling of a 

 dinner. We venture to say, that old Homer never was late in his life. 

 If he were, he could never have composed such poems as the Iliad and 

 Odyssey, which the unthinking are pleased to call fighting, but we could 

 demonstrate to be eating and drinking, poems. 



But it is not fair to gut a little book, as if it were a great fish. We 

 shall therefore subjoin two poems of the economical school, and conclude 

 our brief review. 



THE 'tis buts. 



You ask me the secret by which we contrive 



On an income so slender so fairly to thrive ? 



Why the long and the short of the matter is this, 



We take things as they come, and thus nought comes amiss. 



My sons are no sluggards, my daughters no sluts. 



And we still keep an eye to the main and 'Tis Bids. 



Neighbour Squander's grand treat, 'tis but so much, he says, 

 And his wife's fine new gown, 'lis but so much she pays; 

 'Tisbut so much the fan, 'tis but so much the play. 

 His child's gewgaws, too, — 'tis but that thrown away ; 

 But each 'tis but grows on, till they run on so fast, 

 That he finds 'tis but coming to want at tlie last. 

 M. M. New Series.— \oj.. I. No. 1. F 



