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1826.] Old Neighbours — An Admiral on Shore. 379 



keep him there. I never saw a man so unaffectedly displeased with his 

 own title. He forbade any one in his own house from calling him by it, 

 and took it as a sort of affront from strangers. 



Being, however, on land, his first object was to make his residence as 

 much like a man-of-war as possible, or rather as much like that beau-ideal 

 of a habitation his last frigate the Mermaiden, in which he had by dif- 

 ferent prizes made above sixty thousand pounds. By that standard his 

 calculations were regulated ; all the furniture of the White House at 

 Hannonby was adapted to the proportions of His Majesty's ship the 

 Mermaiden. The great drawing-room was fitted up exactly on the 

 model of her cabin, and the whole of that spacious and commodious 

 mansion made to resemble, as much as possible, that wonderfully incon- 

 venient abode, the inside of a ship; every thing crammed into the 

 smallest possible compass ; space most unnecessarily economized, and 

 contrivances devised for all those matters which need no contriving at 

 all. He victualled the house as for an East-India voyage, served out 

 the provisions in rations, and swung the whole family in hammocks. 



It will easily be believed that these innovations, in a small village 

 in a midland county, where nineteen-twentieths of the inhabitants had 

 never seen a piece of water larger than Hannonby great pond, occasioned 

 no small commotion. The poor admiral had his own troubles ; at first 

 every living thing about the place rebelled — there was a general mutiny ; 

 the very cocks and hens whom he had crammed up in coops in the 

 poultry-yard screamed aloud for liberty ; and the pigs, ducks, and geese, 

 equally prisoners, squeaked and gabbled for water ; the cows lowed 

 in their stall — the sheep bleated in their pens — the whole live stock of 

 Hannonby was in durance. 



The most mimanageable of these complainers were of course the 

 servants — with the men, after a little while he got on tolerably — stern- 

 ness and grog (the wind and sun of the table) conquered them — his 

 staunchest opponents were of the other sex — the whole tribe of house- 

 maids and kitchenmaids abhorred him to a woman, and plagued and 

 thwarted him every hour of the day. He, on his part, returned their 

 aversion with interest ; talked of female stupidity, female awkwardness, 

 and female diet, and threatened to compound an household of the crew 

 of the Mermaiden, that should shame all the twirlers of mops and bran- 

 dishers of brooms in the county. Especially, he used to vaunt the 

 abilities of a certain Bill Jones, as the best laundress, sempstress, cook, 

 and housemaid in the navy ; him he was determined to procure, to keep 

 his refractory household in some order ; accordingly, he wrote to desire 

 his presence ; and Bill, unable to resist the summons of his old com- 

 mander, arrived accordingly. 



This Avatar, which had been anticipated by the revolted damsels with 

 no small dismay, tended considerably to ameliorate matters. The dreaded 

 major domo turned out to be a smart young sailor, of four or five-and- 

 twenty, with an arch smile, a bright merry eye, and a most knowing 

 nod, by no means insensible to female objurgation or indifferent to female 

 charms. The women of the house, particularly the pretty ones, soon 

 perceived their power ; and as this Admirable Crichton of his Majesty's 

 ship the Mermaiden had, amongst his other accomplishments, the address 

 completely to govern his master, all was soon in the smoothest track 

 possible. Neither, universal genius though he were, was Bill Jones at 

 all disdainful of female assistance, or averse to the theory of a division 



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