478 Journal of two Missionaries [May, 



were marvellously admired by the females, of so different a nature from 

 their own, they raised among each other a sort of yell or l^ugh, a 

 mixed breed between the bray of the donkey and the accomplished 

 melody of the goose. The juniors, however, seemed more inclined to 

 admire and imitate, than to ridicule or condemn, at least so we thought, 

 and if so, they are not altogether without taste you'll observe. Be this 

 as it may, we determined to lose no time in attempting their conversion ; 

 and, singling out the two prettiest, and consequently the most important 

 she savages in the synod, we began to initiate them in the voluptuous 

 evolutions of the Spanish waltz, as practised with such effect at Almack's. 

 Never were more promising pupils ; it was really beautiful to see the 

 instinct with which they comprehended each manoeuvre ; such twirling 

 and twisting, now right now left, to quick time, to slow time, and to no 

 time at all ; you would have given your ears, Mr. Secretary, to have 

 seen them. The elders, however, endeavoured to put a stop to these 

 innovations, and it shocked us exceedingly to see Muggins — the young, 

 the susceptible Muggins — foremost in ridiculing our waltzes, and insisting 

 (in a speech eloquently independent of all syntactical and etymological 

 propriety) on another country-dance. Meanwhile, finding that we were 

 likely to make but few proselytes in the Saint Vitus line, we had recourse 

 to betting, as indispensable to fashion and civilization, and turning our 

 eyes towards the windows, luckily beheld two spiders crawling up the 

 shutters (on their return home from an evening party, it should seem). 

 The instant we discovered them, we advanced towards a junior savage 

 in blue pantaloons, and offered a wager of twenty guineas that the black 

 spider, at the same time pointing to them both, would reach the ceiling 

 before the brown one. Strange to say, he mistook us for madmen, and 

 bursting into a most villainous cachination, ran away to inform his 

 kinsfolk and acquaintance of our folly. Thus it is with human nature : 

 genius in one country is insanity in another, the virtues of the West are 

 the vices of the East, and so vice versa throughout the world. 



Scarcely had we recovered our disgust at this grossness, when the 

 mother of the she-savages whom we had taught with such felicitous 

 effect, came to thank us for our politeness, and to request that we would 

 honour her -with our company at a small " hop " on the ensuing night. 

 At first, despairing of success as missionaries, we refused this invitation, 

 but on second thoughts resolved to accept it ; which acquiescence on our 

 part being duly and gratefully acknowledged, supper was announced, 

 and down stairs we all rushed pell-mell to the banquet. But oh, Mr. 

 Secretary, what words can express our increased astonishment at the 

 scene which now surrounded us ! You, who have been used to the 

 light, polished, and picturesque refections of the West End, may partly 

 conceive our horror at the sight of mountains of meat, moistened by 

 rivulets of gravy ; pork-pies, sausages, inconceivable sausages, reposing 

 on their feather-bed of mashed potatoes ;^together with custards, porter, 

 brown stout, and divers bottles of that African nastiness, Cape wine. 

 The convei'sation was equally characteristic. Muggins, the vivacious 

 but barbarous Muggins, addressed a fat savage on the merits of some 

 performance which he had witnessed at a place called the Coburg, and 

 the fet savage rejoined with a dissertation upon the horses at Astley's. 

 This, of course, was all Greek to us, having never before heard of 

 either place ; but our interpreter was luckily by our side, so that we 

 contrived to glean some little information respecting them. The next 



