1826.] Despatched to tivilize the IValworthians. 479 



subject was entirely commercial, being on the prices of linen, leather, 

 gill, tobacco, and similar phenomena : which proves that even among the 

 savage hordes the science of " political economy " has made no slight 

 advances. When supper was ended, Muggins, the corpulent but elo- 

 quent Muggins, was called on for a song, and accordingly yelled out, 

 in the key of a park gun, " Rule Britannia," which, as we were informed, 

 is the national war-whoop of the savages. The company then called 

 aloud for pipes and gin-and-water* (only conceive I), after which, the hour 

 being late, they all separated, not a little satistied with the refined 

 entei-tainments of the evening. 



The next day, while rambling through the neighbourhood, we were 

 agreeably surprised by the sight of three pairs of whiskers, with a man 

 attached to each pair, advancing towards us. This convinced us that 

 our idea of conversion was not quite so Utopian as we had imagined, 

 since it was quite clear that these whiskers (clumsy, but laudable iniita- 



^ tions of our West End ones) nmst have been the artificial growth of the 



J morning. On approaching us, the whiskers — their proprietors rather — 

 addressed us pretty much after our own off-hand fashion, as displayed 

 on the preceding night, and even solicited the honour of walking with 

 us. This, in pity to their blindness, we agreed to, and during our 

 ramble entertained them with an account of the manners, anmsements, 

 and appearance of the West End, such as their betting, waltzing, 



:, dining, dressing, &c., until we excited in their barbarous bosoms a most 

 outrageous desire of imitation. We then quitted them, but not without 

 extorting a promise that they would use their utmost endeavours to 

 convert their kinsfolk and acquaintance. On returning to the abode of 

 - our friend the chief, we received, Mr. Secretary, j-our despatches of 

 August 1st, in which you exhorted us to persevere, and informed U3 

 of several important events that had occurred since our departure, viz., 

 the bet between Lord G — and Sir T — D — ; the interesting affair 

 between the Earl of C — and Miss Amelia O — ; and other such momen- 

 tous matters. None, but those who have travelled, can conceive the 

 transport with which, in so distant a land, we read these delightful com- 

 munications ; they brought home to us the amusements of our beloved 

 West End, and even filled our eyes with tears as we reflected that, 

 however desirous, we might never again behold it. 



After an hour thus devoted to affliction, we brushed the dew-drops 

 from our optics, and were just preparing for an excursion towards the 

 country of Camberwell, when three small taps were heard, and in 

 waddled the corpulent she-savage whom we had seen the preceding 

 evening. The conversation of this gentlewoman turned upon a peculiar 

 national amusement called " a fair," which was then being held at 

 Camberwell, and which our hostess no sooner learned, than she instantly 



■ set out with her children, and invited us to follow. Of course we 

 would not neglect so glorious an opportunity of acquainting ourselves 

 with the amusements of the savages, so hastened to the scene of action, 



* Of the nature of these articles we are yet ignorant, but our interpreter is busy with 

 a dissertation upon them, in which he endeavours to prove, from the similar natiu-e of 

 their amusements, tliat the Walworthian savages originally sprung from the same 

 tribe as the Holhtndeis, a colony of whom settled in tliese parts many ages back. This 

 fact, if authenticated, will make a curious addition to our stores of the natm-al history 

 of man. 



