1829. ] Dick Denlap. 145 
run away from it, now and then, when there is nobody within view. 
I never could catch him at this benevolent amusement, “ larding the 
lean earth as he ran along ;” but I suspect he had been thus employed 
on the present occasion, for his face was flushed, and he looked a little 
splenetic, which it struck me might arise from the cruel feeling that 
such diabolical practices—so contrary to his usual musing and saunter- 
ing habits—were necessary to prevent his hard-hearted tailor from 
enlarging the measurement, when next the fatal parchment of that inex- 
orable artist encompassed his “nether bulk.” I happened to be once 
present when Dick was placed in this trying predicament. After the 
measure had, with my assistance, been passed round his rebellious 
waist (which he made a painful effort to draw in as much as possible 
for the occasion), “ Upon my word, Mr. Dewlap,” said the tailor, “ you 
get on; I see by my book you have increased an inch and a half in the 
last three months!” The barbarous communication was heard with as 
rueful an aspect as we might expect to see in the captain of a crazy 
ship, who should receive the intelligence that, in spite of every effort, 
the leak evidently gained upon the vessel. Dewlap’s only resourse was 
stoutly to deny the fact; he vehemently protested that he had fallen 
away at least the fourth of an inch; that his clothes absolutely hung 
about him (by the by, the buttons were starting in every direction) ; 
and that if Mr. Hopkins could not contrive to make a more accurate 
entry, he should be reluctantly obliged to carry his custom elsewhere. 
Dick did not appear to notice my approach ; so when I had arrived at 
the seat where he was planted, I was constrained to solicit his attention. 
« What, Dewlap, my dear fellow,” said I, “how do you do? I was 
fearful I should never get sight of you again ; not that it would be easy 
to ——” “Good morning,” said he of the twenty stone; “pray do 
you happen to know whether there’s a ship about to start for China?” 
{ was of course startled at this abrupt interrogatory, and answered it, as 
is usual in such cases, by asking “why he wished to know at that par- 
ticular moment?” “ Why,” replied Dick, “I saw your next sentence 
was to be redolent of something about my size; I only wonder how it 
escaped the first six syllables; so I chose to indulge in the luxury of 
starting the one-loved subject myself. In China, then (where I mean to 
go), as well as in other countries that we presumptuously call barbarous, 
you know that the lean and working commonalty pay proper deference 
to us victims of enjoying temperaments. A man of my dimensions might 
there stand a chance of being made a mandarin, as one born with 
nature’s stamp of nobility ; while here, the countless generation of 
_whipper-snappers teaze us perpetually, as though we were sent into the 
world merely to serve as cushions for their ricketty wits to repose on.” 
“ Well,” said I, “ I am sorry to see you so warm,: Richard ; but well 
discuss this matter as we walk ; perhaps you'll take a turn with me into 
the grounds ; I have to meet some friends there at twelve.” ‘“ What,” 
replied Dick, “some half dozen dapper little masters, I suppose, who 
are indulgently allowed to call themselves men, and would proceed to 
me, sans cérémonie, with as much glee as so many young surgeons 
would cut a the mammoth or the mastodon, if they could get him in 
their scientific clutches? No, no; no new male acquaintances for me ; 
I find it quite enough to be the standing, sitting, or walking joke of 
some five and twent sympathetic friends, who have so judiciously dis- 
persed themselves echt oni: the bills of mortality, that I cannot move 
U 
M.M. New Series—Vou. VII. No. 38. 
