* 
1829.] Dick Dewlap. 149 
way to sacrifice him—my indignation at length found utterance— Why, 
you envious, overgrown villain,’ said I, ‘ why did not you tell me this 
before?’ ‘ Why did not I,’ replied he (as if confident I could not pos- 
sibly object to his most exquisite reason), ‘why, because you did not 
ask me!’ What signified arguing with such a dolt? I determined to 
make short work of it. ‘ Now, you fat fool, cried I (going up to him 
with my clenched fist), ‘now I must go and have the laudanum taken 
out of me with the stomach pump, through your stupidity—take that !’ 
(knocking him off his perch into the empty hogshead, the top of which 
suddenly gave way behind him); and I think I awoke with the noise 
he made in bawling out—* What’s that for?’ From this specimen,” 
concluded Dick, “ you may judge whether I am not as much to be 
pitied for my nightly visions as any opium eater in England. Ill dream 
against the best of them for a veal cutlet any night he likes.” 
This chat had brought us to the place which we intended visiting ; 
we entered, and found the ladies had arrived before us. I introduced 
Dick, who blushed as he bowed, and was received very graciously, but 
with a kind of conscious reserve on the part of the genteel widow, which 
I thought augured not ill for him. Dewlap, theugh evidently gratified 
with his reception by the ladies, was not quite pleased to find they had 
brought with them our old acquaintance Toby Aircastle, a mere mathe- 
matical line of a man, whose lath-like apparition contrasts so provokingly 
with Dick’s circular tendencies, that few can resist hazarding a hit now 
and then on the subject. Toby, who is a married man, as wellasa 
professed joker, rather relishes than dislikes this state of juxta-position 
with Dewlap, and often provokes him to an encounter ; in which, how- 
ever, Dick is sure to suffer most, though he may seem to come off victo- 
rious ; for he evidently envies Toby his leanness, and would give the 
world if the sarcasms which, acting on the defensive, he is obliged to 
let fly at Toby, could be fairly levelled at himself. Dewlap now, there- 
fore (ladies being present), treated Mr. Aircastle (as he studiously called 
him) with the gravest respect, and seemed as fearful of making a false 
step in conversation, as a young legacy hunter would be of treading on 
the gouty toe of his rich and irritable uncle. Having, while the females, 
were a little in advance, inquired, with the most considerate politeness, 
after the health of Mrs. A., and why she did not favour us with her 
company, “Oh,” replied Toby, “I’ve lodged a detainer against her ; 
« she is as ladies wish to be who love their lords.’ By the by, Dick, V’ll 
hold two to one that she recovers her gentility of outline before you 
do.” Dewlap, though evidently nettled, merely bowed, and gravely 
observing that he never laid wagers, heartily wished Mrs. Aircastle a 
happy deliverance of twins. 
In perambulating the grounds, I was much amused with the way in 
which the tenderness of feminine nature displayed itself towards the 
fiercer animals, whom our ladies spoke of as though they had been par- 
rots or lap-dogs. “ Oh, what a sweet tiger-cat!’ exclaimed Sophy. 
“ Yes, my dear,” said her mamma, “but look at this lovely leopard !” 
“ What a darling tiger,” cried Matilda ; “ and look at this love of a 
lion, just like one of the judges!” «“ That may be,” replied her sister ; 
“but I think this dear playful bear far more interesting, don’t you, Mr. 
Dewlap?” Dick had all along eagerly catered to their curiosity ; and 
frisked about (being, as a subscriber, no stranger to the place), in giving 
them explanations, as though he had deposited some three stone of 
