364 Sterne and the Duke of Wharton : a Dramatic Scene. QOcT. 



sets at defiance. I have with me on my excursions an arch little 

 urchin from the village of Coxwold, in order to administer to him the 

 whip a posteriori ; but his flagellations have no more effect than the 

 tickling of a straw. To provide myself against the casualties of the 

 weather, I am obliged to carry an umbrella as large as an Arab's tent, 

 else I should be soaked to the skin ere old Scarcity would move a jot 

 the quicker. 



Wharton. Place it to the account of thine own avarice, Yorick, that 

 thou ridest so beggarly a hack. Thou hast given us thy whimsical and 

 opposite reasons for such adoption : — the first, that, mounted on such an 

 attenuated animal, thy musings were as much benefited as by having 

 " a death's head" before thee ; the second, that the horse and his rider 

 were, " centaur-like, both of a piece ;" the third, that being of about 

 the dimensions of a good-sized walking-stick, thou couldst not endiu-e 

 to bestride " a fat horse ;" but the real motive confessedly originated in 

 a desire to save thy pelf; for, possessing a tolerable beast, he was bor- 

 rowed by the husband of every parturient woman in the parish ; and his 

 value was frittered down from twenty-five to five pounds, by continual 

 gallopings to and from the accoucheur. 



Sterne. May Fate consign me to execration, if my soul be tainted by 

 the hell-born vice of avarice ! If I am parsimonious, it is to supply the 

 waste of expenditure, not to hoard up gold in my coffers : besides, the 

 skeleton parson and his fleshless steed furnish amusement to the whole 

 village ; when they pass, " the bucket is suspended in the middle of the 

 well ;" the house-wife runs to the door, leaving her pots unwashed, and 

 her floor unswept ; the ploughman stops his team, though in the middle 

 of a furrow ; — to have a peep at the parson. Now, I am surprised, 

 Eugenius, that thou canst assign no other origin to all this interest but 

 that of avarice. 



Wharton. Fitting provision for thy family, Yorick, if not care for thy- 

 self, may justify that necessary economy which I have thoughtlessly 

 termed avarice. But of what trivial moment is a disquisition begun so 

 innocently, though taken up so seriously ! 



Sterne. Nay, I wish but to convince thee how lightly I esteem riches : 

 as for my family, they ai'e but two, Eugenius, a Avife and daughter, and 

 I commend them to the support and protection of the same Being who 

 has hitherto spread my own table. As for myself, were my years to out- 

 number those of IMethuselah, I must die ; and I had rather it be said 

 that " Yorick ended his days in a garret, after a merry life spent in 

 affluence," than that the country journalist should add to his newspaper 

 obituary of me, "he died rich, having lived most parsimoniously." 



Wharton. Confusion ' why 1 could swear that the north-east wind was 

 chilling thif blood with its demoniac breath ! And now may come my 

 turn to be jocular. 



Sterne. To continue, Eugenius — How little it avails us mortals to 

 either build or hoard, when we look upon the impressive mutability 

 which surrounds us ! Behold the rich expanse of verdant beauty sloping 

 from this window, where peace and love have taken up their abode, and 

 the very trees seem conscious of sympathy, as they mingle their well- 

 clad bouglis in vernal friendship ; and the unsophisticated ploughman 

 walks over the upturned earth with ruddy and contented aspect, as his 

 children revel before their stony dwelling, little dreaming of the count- 

 less changes time will bring forth. Yon little church, whose Norman 



