18310 C 399 : 



PROPOSALS FOn ABOLISHING THE FIRST OF SEPTEMBER. 

 BY A RETIRED SPORTSMAN. 



The first of September, and the first of April, are the only days in the 

 year to wliich I have strong objections. The fifth of November is also 

 no particular favourite of mine, though it serves to keep up my abhor- 

 rence of the Pope. Why I dislike the first of April I need not say — but 

 why I utterly abominate the first of September I have sundry good and 

 efficient reasons sufficiently powerful. Only let the humane reader take 

 into consideration the fate of those unhappy ornithological bipeds, (to 

 speak scientifically,) who are thus annually deprived of their short-lived 

 existence. Wilberforce, are you thrashing your nigger ? — JMartin, are 

 you starving a donkey ? — that you allow this worse than slavery, this 

 horrible cruelty to pass unnoticed. What is slavery compared to the 

 life of a partridge ? What is cruelty in comparison to its fate ? Talk 

 of thrashing a nigger, what's that to basting a pheasant? Talk of 

 rubbing red pepper into the back of a slave when he shews symptoms 

 of insubordination, what's that to the cayenne and lemon juice thrown 

 upon his body when the poor bird gives indications of being on the go ? 

 IMr. Martin described the sufferings of animals with an eloquence as 

 great as if he had himself endured them. Let him be placed on Wim- 

 bledon Common, and allow himself to be shot at by innumerable cock- 

 neys, till some one puts him out of his misery — then let him undergo 

 thevarious operations of plucking, skewering, basting, and cayenne-and- 

 lemon-juicing: — let him be eaten with bread sauce, and his bones thrown 

 to the dogs; and then let me ask him if he ever felt, or saw, or read of 

 any thing half so cruel in the whole course of his philanthropic exist- 

 ence ? There is no disputing such an argument ; and I entertain great 

 hopes that after passing the Reform Bill, ministers will bring in a bill 

 for abolishing the first of September. Let them talk of the good quali- 

 ties of the blacks, let them praise the usefulness of domestic animals ; 

 but to a brave nation such as Great Britain, no virtue can be of half so 

 much importance as that of being game to the back-bone. Ex officio 

 informations should be brought against IManton, Egg, and such as are 

 in the habit of persuading others to break the peace, and spread inflam- 

 matory reports. 



I may be asked what motives induce me to attempt spoiling other 

 people's sport. I say, the most disinterested that ever influenced frail 

 humanity. I have known, seen, and felt all kinds of sport, and have 

 always found it, however pleasing at the commencement, naost unpro- 

 fiUible at the conclusion. I have had painful experience of the fact, and 

 will relate the result of that experience for the edification of all those 

 who are interested in this most momentous subject. 



I was always fond of sport. I recollect my first essay was against the 

 finned race, and it took place shortly after I had been initiated into the 

 glory of frock and trowsers. I had previously observed boys of all 

 ages, by the banks of a pond near our house, pursuing their piscatory 

 avocations, who used to carry away with them their tiny prey alive in a 

 wine-bottle, or a pickling-jar filled with water. I saw nothing in the 

 pond but a few consumptive looking dogs, who, if I were to fish there 

 all day would never honour me with a bile — doubtless for various good 

 reasons of their own into which I have not incjuired ; and some unfor- 

 tunate kittens who had been deprived of their existence for sundry 



