1831.] The Perils of Penmanship. 499 



chair fully convinced that the only terms of renewal of peace that she had 

 to offer were that, as she was prolonging her visit on account of the hunt 

 that was about to commence, my calumet must be tendered to her in the 

 shape of " a habit ; " after which were a multitude of mantua-making 

 directions from which I gleaned tliat the said habit was to be " blue," 

 and " rather long ; " and that above all, to be in time, it must be at — — — 

 by the 29th. 



With this postsci'ipt I had every reason to be pleased — first, on ac- 

 count of m)' own indefatigable ingenuity that had enabled me to 

 decypher it so correctly, and secondly, because I was able to trace in it 

 a kindly feeling on the part of my wife, though she had chosen to read 

 my letter wrong, and then fly in a passion with her own interpretation 

 of it : the dear creature knew how anxious I was that she should become 

 an accomplished horsewoman, and how it pained me to see her so timid 

 when in the saddle, and had determined with her wonted affection to do 

 all in her power to meet my wishes. These reflections gave me fresh 

 vigour ; and incredible were the pains I took to procure the desired 

 habiliments, and to have them ready in time, though the tailor protested 

 that he had never made a habit before at such short notice. " ^Omnia 

 vincit amor," cried 1, and actually stood over him for a day and a half 

 counting his stitches. At last it was finished ; and determined to com- 

 plete Avhat I had so meritoriousl)'^ begun, I actually took a post-chaise for 

 the purpose of myself being the bearer of the welcome present : as iU 

 luck would have it, however, one of the horses in the last stage fell dead 

 lame — could not be made to move an inch for love or money — and there 



was I with the superb habit eight miles from . What was to be done ? 



There was no post-house, or chance of a horse between ; and the inn that 

 we had last quitted was seven miles in the rear. " Omnia vincit amor," 

 again cried I ; and with the box, in which the habit was carefully 

 packed, slung at my back, I trudged manfully forward, and positively 

 accomplished the eight miles in an hour and forty-one minutes, whicli, 

 considering I carried weight, was what any of the IMelton IMowbrays 

 would call a pretty rattling pace, especially as there was a shai^^ hill to 

 be drawn about midway : when at last I reached my wife's abode, a 

 little before ten at night, I found that she had been waiting, as women 

 do wait for such things, in grumbling and in terror : — but what boded 

 her appearance ? Her pretty, pretty feet were shod in white satin — 

 a wreath of roses in her hair — her favourite necklace of pearl and 

 emerald clasped round her neck — and yet all these brilliancies checked by 

 her dressing-goAvn being still undoffed. " My deai-est !" cried I. " The 

 dress!" cried she. " 'Tis here — 'tis hei-e," I exclaimed; and cutting 

 the cord impatiently asunder, I held up to view the dearly-earned habit ! 

 Good heavens ! a piercing shriek burst from my wife. But the reader, 

 no doubt, has anticipated me — it was no habit she wrote for, but a ball- 

 dress of " blue" and silver, with strict cautions that it was not to be 

 " over long." 



Could anything exceed this ? Could hieroglyphic mischiefs be carried 

 further ? — Yes, yes, yes ! And yet I thought 1 liad learned caution. 



Being one day unexpectedly detained at Lord's to make one in a 

 cricket-match, I would not trust a letter, but sent a special messenger to 

 tell her that I should not be back till eiglit. At that hour I reached 

 home, as hungry as a Cossack after a skirmish in Kamschatka, and fully 

 expecting to find her waiting dinner for me. But no ! there was no 



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