500 The Perih of Penmanship. [[Nov. 



Maria; and I waited, and waited, in gloomy doubt till half-past nine, 

 when a three-cornered billet with her well-known superscription was 

 brought to me. One glance at the contents paralysed me ; — I jumped 

 up from my seat like a madman — I ordered four post-horses — and in less 

 than a quarter of an hour was on ray way to Dover, in pursuit of my 

 faitliless spouse and her seducer, filling up the time, between counting 

 the mile-stones, with thinking how I would look her into a petrefaction, 

 and riddle him into a honeycomb. At Rochester, while I was waiting 

 for a relay of horses, I bethought me that I would add fresh fuel (for 

 such is the perversity of man that he hugs that which will destroy him) 

 to my rage, by again reading the dreadful missive : when, lo, a mist 

 seemed dispelled : — as if by magic art the characters shifted and re-ar- 

 ranged themselves, and instead of a flight with a seducer to Dover on her 

 way to France, the letter seemed to say that she had been " seduced " 

 by her cousin to stay dinner in " Dover-street," on the promise of being 

 introduced to a most amiable lady just arrived from " France." There 

 was but one thing under these circumstances to be done — the postboy was 

 ordered to turn his horses' heads towards London ; and as lie urged them 

 to the height of their gallop, I read and re-read the dear, fatal, mislead- 

 ing epistle again and again by the light of the moon, that was high in 

 the heavens in all the splendour of her fulness. As we were galloping 

 through Dartford I observed another chaise approaching — we neared — 

 we met! — gracious heaven, it was my wife ! She saw me — I saw her: 

 but we were both going at so prodigious a pace that to hope to be able 

 to stop was out of the question : it seemed as if we were destined to be 

 a kind of pair of wandering Jews, never more to be allowed to be in the 

 same place at the same time ! A scream was our only recognition, and in 

 another moment we should again have been separated ; when our good 

 genius, alive to our miserable situation, dashed the two chaises against 

 each other : — crash went the wheels — splash went the panels — smash 

 went the springs — and in one and the same moment we enjoyed the ex- 

 quisite sensation of being upset into each other's arms. 



It is impossible to narrate all that was said by us on this momentous 

 occasion : but the resolution to which we came deserves to be recorded 

 for the benefit of all practisers of inodern hieroglyphics. " Let us 

 foi'get the past, my Maria," I exclaimed ; " the future is ours : — this very 

 day will I engage the most eminent writing-master that London pos- 

 sesses ; while for you I will purchase a dozen large-text copy-books ; 

 and together we will learn to write." 



