~ 
16 Mission to the Kitchen. (Jury, 
that villanows mixture of all incongruities, an English hash. To give due 
efficacy to these new laws, informers shall be hired after the most 
approved method of the vice-suppressing societies, to peep into sauce- 
pans, to watch that the “pot aw few” does not boil in the time of divine 
service, to the disturbance of the sabbath, and the destruction of all 
good “ potages,” and to denounce all inflammatory ragotts and frican- 
deaux, which, being French, are necessarily atheistical. 
The evils which society daily suffers from the want of such an institu- 
tion are dreadful to reflect upon! Why is it that “one man’s meat is 
another man’s poison,” but because the subject has been left to the 
wanderings of his own taste, and that no establishment, no national 
system of education, have been formed for the promotion of uniformity 
in eating. In religious matters, a difference of opinion may be conci- 
liated with the due discharge of social duties—but a disagreement in 
eating is fatal to domestic repose; seeing that the same dish cannot at 
once be cooked in two different ways. Husband and wife may part at 
the church-door, to follow each their own fancy in faith; but the same 
leg of mutton, whether roasted, boiled, or macerated “ a sept heures,” 
can please only one sect of eaters at a time. ‘To preserve peace in 
families, therefore, an established kitchen is more necessary than an 
established church. Neither let it be thought that this intolerance in eating 
would at all intrench upon the religious liberties of the land; the “ credo 
in allesso ed in arrestito,” would not interfere with the right to believe in 
the advent of Johanna Southcote ; nor hinder the “ loyal people of this 
happy land” from maintaining the idolatry of the mass. Indeed, we are 
disposed to think that nothing would so effectually assist in keeping out 
the Pope and the Jesuits as proscribing red herrings in Lent, and seducing 
the Catholics from their double allegiance by German sausages and 
polonies. A ship load of missionary cooks would be infinitely more 
likely to convert the Brahmins from their superstitious reverence for a 
cow than a whole college of anabaptists; and one Parisian charcutier 
would have more weight with the synagogue, than the entire association 
for converting the Jews. 
These suggestions are thrown out for the benefit of the subscribing 
public, and for the loyal in general ; and now, that trading companies are 
ata discount, preselyting institutions on the old plan much overstocked, 
that foreign despots are tired of borrowing English money, and manu- 
facture cannot give employment to the floating capital of the country, it 
is not presuming very far to suppose that a sum may be raised fully 
adequate to the purpose in hand. It is only necessary to add that a 
meeting will be called, either at the London Tavern or the Vintner’s hall, 
before the return of the writs for the new Parliament, for carrying the 
proposed scheme into instant execution; where it is hoped that the 
leading members of the learned professions will favour the public with 
speeches, to be reported in the next number of the “ Almanac des Gour- 
mands,” and that the Ministry, “his Majesty’s Opposition,” the East- 
India and Bank directors, with all other partisans of “ every delicacy 
that the scason affords,” will attend and encourage this most important 
nationa! undertaking. i 
Fy 
