1826. ] A Chapter on Batchelors, &c. 59 
whom I shall call Eliza, I became convinced that I was in love. This 
affliction grew daily, even hourly, more alarming; if I ever slept, it was 
to'dream of my Dulcinea; if I woke, it was with her name on my,lips ; 
‘in fact, I was inoculated all over with sentiment. The reader will 
naturally conclude, that a youth of such impassioned temperament 
would, of course, be a favourite with the softer sex: I should think -o 
too ; in my case, however, the very reverse was the fact. Women 
indeed—and of late I have studied them attentively—are more taken 
wit the parade than the reality of feeling. Genuine sensibility is shy 
and silent: this will never do for a sex won solely by romance and 
appearance ; and hence it is, that callous men of the world, with just 
enough feeling to make them act their part well, are your only success- 
ful suitors.—But to return to my confessions. 
I was frequently in the habit of meeting with Eliza in the course of 
our evening strolls; yet, strange to say, although I had such glorious 
opportunities, I could never summon courage to hint—except by acts— 
at my attachment. One evening, however (oh, fatal recollection !), I 
chanced to meet her as she was crossing a little meadow that skirted the 
road-side. She was alone; looked more beautiful than ever, and—but 
why halt in my confessions? I joined her, chatted with her about the 
twilight, the moon and stars (there was not one visible), the graces in 
nature, &c., and in fact was going on, I thought, most courageously, 
when, on accidentally casting my eyes towards her, I saw a smile, which 
I fancied of course a contemptuous one, lurking in the angles of her 
sweet pouting little mouth. This was enough: the barometer of m 
hopes sunk instantly below zero ; I grew nervous, fidgetty, wished myself _ 
any where but where I was; when, to complete my confusion, my hat 
fell off. I was now no longer master of myself; I rushed like lightning 
from the spot, Eliza’s involuntary laugh following me quickly ‘in the 
rear, and never once halted until safely housed in the deepest recesses 
of my father’s study. To men of a shy nervous disposition—for to few 
others will these confessions be intelligible—I need not say how long a 
prejudice, once taken up, will endure. For months subsequent to this 
adventure I had imbibed an opinion that a certain something, in nature 
or address, had disqualified me for female society. This idea gathered 
‘strength with time, until at last I withdrew myself altogether from their 
company. Even to this moment I cannot look a woman in the face: I 
would sooner front a cannon. Nay, the very sight, but yesterday, of a 
‘white frock hanging up on my garden lines to dry gave me a twinge 
which I have not yet recovered. I will pause an instant therefore, and 
take a glass of wine; another—so ; I can now proceed boldly with my 
confessions. aide ods 
~ It came to pass, that about six years after this occurrence, when its 
impression was somewhat on the wane, I formed—for_I had it all’ to 
‘myself—an attachment to a lively young girl at_ Walworth. For ‘some 
‘weeks my acquaintance with her went on swimmingly enough, I could 
now and then almost look her in the face (by-the-bye with all my bash- 
fulness I found that she had fine eyes, those light pearly grey ones, ‘so 
indicative of passion and sensibility), and, in fact, contrived at times to 
talk sentimentally enough without stuttering; but mark the upshot! “1 
ih, as one evening invited to drink tea with her grandmother, an old la 
‘with whom she then resided, and as I was not altogether without hopes 
of having made an impression on her (not the grandmother, observe!), I 
5 Be 
