1826.] My Lodgings: a Sketch from Life. 131 
much for the scenery: the natives are equally characteristic. My land- 
lady is a person who, having once been on intimate acquaintance with 
two hundred pounds a-year !—since defunct—considers herself a privi- 
leged grumbler, and has accordingly taken out a patent in the high court 
of hypochondriasm, much to the discomfiture of her husband and her 
children’s respective physiognomies. Her tribulation, however, to do it 
justice, is of the genteelest cast; she speaks in a low mincing tone ; treads 
her kitchen in the very spirit of pathos ; and, save when in liquor (which 
the best of mortals must sometimes be), seldom or never swears. By 
swearing, I should say, that she rarely condemns her own or other 
people’s eyes, souls, or limbs—these orthodox English anathemas are 
reserved for great occasions; but with respect to the lighter style of 
execration, such as “ zounds !”—* jemini ”—“ jingo "—* odds-bobs "— 
“ good gracious ”—“ my stars ””—“ my eyes!” &c.; by which the utterer 
would be understood as compromizing the matter with his conscience 
all such verbal elegancies she luxuriates in to satiety. Her children, 
like herself, are peculiar ; reserved and ragged, with faces the very title- 
page of tribulation, and a genius for affliction that I never yet saw 
equalled. As for the husband, he is like all other husbands, remarkable 
for nothing but a brace of legs like compasses, and a black head of hair, 
bearing in character and colour no faint resemblance to a shoe-brush. 
The next in importance to this accomplished family—for, in lodgings 
(such are their lax opinions of religion), the nearer you approach to 
Heaven the.more you are despised—is, | am told, myself, of whom I 
shall say nothing further, than that I am the sole occupant of the 
ground-floor. The second story is tenanted by a half-pay officer, at that 
peculiarly unpleasant age when a man is justified in thinking himself 
elderly, yet not altogether without excuse if he ape the dandy, and 
strive to make and consider himself acceptable to women. ‘This gentle- 
man is a lieutenant, somewhat bilious, but interesting, with an amazingly- 
old face, young figure, and half-military half slovenly tout ensemble. 
He is much given to talking about India, backbiting England, and “ doing 
the amiable ””—on Sundays especially, when he sports a joint and the 
gentleman—towards the ladies of our establishment. Above him, in 
one of the attics, vegetates a poet, “fat and pursy,” but exceedingly 
good-natured. This genius, whose pastoral propensities are marvel- 
Jously quickened by the meadow and summer-house above-mentioned, 
is a sad annoyance to the Lieutenant; for, being immediately over head, 
» and addicted, moreover, to inspiration, he is always walking up and down 
the room ; so that the soldier (albeit in time of peace) yet knows no 
interval of repose. There is also another cause of dissention between 
them : the poet, like most of his craft, is sadly given to borrowing—not 
money, for no one in his senses would think of lending it him—but 
simply such household articles as boot-jacks, razors, brushes, &c., with 
now and then a shirt or two, or, it may be, even a pair of inexpressibles, 
Now I need not tell you that, to an officer on half-pay, the peremptory 
return of such loans is indispensable ; whereas on these points the minstrel 
is glaringly deficient, and kept a pair of the Lieutenant’s boot-hooks so 
long in his possession, that when ‘the man of war sent to have them 
returned, the borrower could no where find them; and he was in con- 
sequence compelled to put on his boots with two forks, the prongs of 
‘which, directed to the ‘accident by his irritation, plunged full half an inch 
§.2 
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