168 On the proper Use of the Eyes. [ Aue. 
the ace of spades, and in snuffing candles with pistols. Others chiefly 
employ them in pocketing billiard balls. Country ladies use their eyes 
with great effect in taking inventories of caps and bonnets in time of 
divine service, or in detecting an absent dish, or an ill-trussed turkey, at 
a friend’s dinner table.. Town ladies use the eye as an amorous:tele- 
graph, or a sentimental carrier pigeon. In the House of Commons; the 
Speaker’s eye is a great help to rising young speakers, in getting-over 
their exordium. Tom Starewell’s eye is in constant occupation, putting 
modest women out of countenance ; and General Hardbottle might as 
well have no more eye than a mole, since the deduction of day- 
light in a bumper (the sole use which he made of his peepers) is 
gone out of fashion. The use which lovers make of their eyes is pro- 
verbial; whence Plotinus derives épws from dpacis about as naturally as 
oamép from King Pippin.* Some use their eyes principally in weeping, 
and these are chiefly females. They may be divided into two classes: 
the sentimentalists, and the extortioners: the former strive to weep them- 
selves into good husbands ; the latter to convert their eyes into diamonds, 
their tears into pearls, or to weep themselves into an opera box ora 
coach-and-four, which, it must be admitted, is turning their eyes to 
some purpose. Perhaps the most general—I might say universal—ser- 
vice to which the eye lends itself, is in forming the raw material for an 
oath. Now, whether this be applied to our own eyes, or to our neigh- 
bours, it is equally beneficial. To this custom Ovid alludes when he 
says “ damnabitque oculos,” which cannot otherwise be translated than 
by the coarse, but energetic language of the canaille. Soldiers have 
no other occupation for this organ than in obeying the word of command: 
“ eyes right,” “ eyes left.” Citizens have usually an eye to the main 
chance. The perambulators of the Strand require to keep an eye to 
their pockets. Shopkeepers have an eye to their customers’ muffs. The 
Americans poach eyes for their mutual accommodation, as our boxers 
sew them up; and lastly, an essayist must have an eye to the length of 
his paper, which reminds me that it is time to have done with my subject, 
least the wearied reader should discover—“ oh, most lame and impotent 
conclusion” —that this article is nothing more nor less, than “ all my eye 
and Betty Martin.” Te 
* As thus :—0omep—n 7 ep—om ¢p—diaper—napkin—nipkin—pipkin—pippin king 
—king Pippin. 
The Choice of the Modern Hercules, or Wealth and Wisdom. 
Give Wealth and Wisdom for a choice, 
The pref’rence then demand ; 
Though all for Wisdom raise the voice, 
Yet few hold out the hand. 
The mind that human nature knows 
This reason well will suit : 
The useful seed while Wisdom sows, 
Tis Wealth that reaps the fruit. 
