496 The Drill-Serjeant. [ Nov. 
We must contemplate the Drill-Serjeant at a distance: there is no 
closing with him. A painter would decline a chair ‘in the’ tiger's den, 
asserting that he could take the animal's stripes equally well through the 
bars. Even so will I take the stripes of our Serjeant. First, to consider 
his appearance, or rather the discipline by which his “ thews and 
muscles” deport themselves. He has a vile, cat-like leer of the eye, 
that makes us retreat back a few paces, and rub our palms, to be as- 
sured the knave has not secretly placed in one of them a shilling. We 
tremble, and for once are afraid to meet the King’s countenance— 
(1 am adding, to the awful attributes of the Drill-Serjeant the fearful 
privilege of recruiting). We shrink, lest he has mentally approved of us 
as being worthy of ball-cartridge. He glances towards our leg, and we 
cannot but feel that he is thinking how it would look in a black gaiter. 
At this moment we take courage, and, valiantly lifting off our hat, pass 
our luxuriant curls through our four fingers—we are petrified ; for we 
see by his chuckle that he has already doomed our tresses to the scissors 
of the barrack-barber. We are at once about to take to our legs, when 
turning round, we see something under a middle-sized man looking over 
our head. On this we feel our safety, and triumph in the glory of five- 
feet-one. Something must always be allowed for weakness—something 
for vanity ; which, indeed, philosophers denominate the greatest weak- 
ness. Hence all these cogitations, foolishly attributed by the little indi- 
vidual to the Serjeant, arise from the civil man’s self-conceit ; the Ser- 
jeant always treating with ineffable contempt persons of a certain size. 
And here may be remarked the astonishing capacity of our Serjeant in 
judging of human altitude. Ere George Bidder can enumerate the vir- 
tues of King Ferdinand, our Serjeant will sum up the exact height of a 
man, duly allowing for his pumps and silk stockings. Strive to mystify 
the question, and the ability of the Serjeant mocks the endeavour ; for 
he will, on a minute’s notice, resolve how many feet of martial flesh are 
in a complete square, after including the triangle, fife, and drummer 
lads, and deducting some of the boy-officers. Thus, five-feet-eight reader, 
if thou wouldst enjoy the pranks of the Serjeant, unmolested by his eye, 
teach thy leg to mimic lameness ; or, if easier, cough consumptively. 
I would wish to convey a striking resemblance of our Drill-Serjeant on 
duty, when you would swear by his gait that this glorious earth was. 
wholly composed of spring wires, so elastic are his soles. It is a motion 
unparalleled either in the natural or artificial world ; it is a movement by 
itself—like the swoop of the eagle, the waddle of the duck, the fleetness 
of the greyhound, or the hop of the frog. And yet, on intense considera- 
tion, I think I have seen something approximating to the bearing of our 
Drill-Serjeant. What think you of the manner of a pug-dog in a dropsy, 
exposed for air on a nipping December morning, his black nose turning 
almost white with indignation at the coldness of the flags ?—There cer- 
tainly is a resemblance ; there is dignity in. both animals, albeit to the 
daring eye of a grotesque character. It must, however, be owned, that 
on great occasions our Serjeant can alter his deportment. It is not in 
the nature of things to be always strained to the highest: the distended 
skin of the serpent at times falls into amiable and social wrinkles; an 
arrant shrew may sometimes be caught singing “ Sweet Home ;” the 
bow-string of a William Tell may be doubtless as relaxed and tuneless as 
the instrument of a Haymarket fiddler ;—and shall not our Serjeant un- 
bend? “He does break himself up from the stiffness of parade ; for see 
