530 Letter on Affairs in general. [ Now. 
used .to, be... The, very path . of villany. is, crowded.) the, avenues, to. 
the, gallows .are filled tothe .yery. kirb-stone,..and, choked .up,_Pope 
it, is, I, think, who says »somewhere,, that .“,Party..is_the,, madness, of 
the many for the, gain.of a few.” «¢ Competition,” seems to; me just 
to,make out,.the reverse of-that description: it is, the,madness,.ofcatew 
for the gain of the many. And it is amazing how, this,competition. cuts 
down. the pride.of, the most lofty trades and _professions,(mot_to speak; of 
its touching the respectability sometimes) as ;well.as the profits;; The 
Bar, with, all its pretence, and even exertion, has those upon the ‘ fifth 
row’ sometimes who will hunger after the flesh-pots of Egypt! . There 
have been instances of gentlemen taking briefs, even withoutfees! rather 
than, go without them altogether. And literature; gets quite shocking. 
I was annoyed some time back to see at the head of an American news- 
paper, “ published by T. Poulson,” &c. No. something or other,.in, some 
street in Philadelphia, ‘‘ where advertisements and subscriptions, will, be 
gratefully received.” But I found to-day, in England, among other, com- 
mendations of a weekly paper, called the “ London Mercury,’’, that; it 
may {be sent all the way to the Colonies, &c.,” for, the_smallsum, of 
Threepence halfpenny !” Fatal 
{ took notice in my last letter of a comical character in the new. farce 
called ‘‘ Before Breakfast,” “ Major Havannah,”’ I think the name,is—a 
military gentleman—who knocks every other word out, through all his 
sentences, in order to give more room and value to those which remain. 
I heard a barrister plead a cause something in the same style, upon the 
Midland Circuit ; and it struck me as a pleasant manner of oratory.. Much 
better than the ‘damnable iteration,” as Falstaff calls it, which, some 
gentlemen whom I could name inflict upon us ;—about three words, in 
every five were either omitted or unintelligble ; and every one that could 
be understood took the room of about a dozen. ; sa eit 
As for example——It was an action for assault; with counts, for 
* words spoken,” to wit, calling the plaintiff an “ Old; Maid,” And also 
for a trespass in entering her dwelling-house. _ The case of ‘ Smaeckem 
v. O’Whackem.” ie 
Frump Cessh der t9" Plaintiff, stated the case.—‘*May’t. please your 
Lordship.—Gentlemen of the jury: This is a; case of very, serious 
character. It’s an assault case—blows given to. the, plaintiff, , Miss 
Smackem, on her body.—Case o’ knocking, my. lord.,, Gentlemen—my 
client is—maiden lady—great respectability—related—some of best 
families in the country. Defendant is person—low station o’ life—eries 
fish, my lord—fish, about the streets. _Now we—we—my lord—no 
objection to Defendant's fish ;—but—apt to be—excuse my being, jo- 
cular—a commodity among those dealers—called “stinking fish.” Your 
lordship—feel—we don’t wish to have any thing to do with that.” 
Mr. O'Blarney—(for Defendant) submits in a strong brogue.—“ My, 
Lord, .the learned Sergeant, if he is jocular, will be so.good as mot,to 
cast reflections upon us or our lawful calling.” Les’ chet 
Frump (Segt.)—“ Lord, I apprehend—I’m in order,.My learned 
friend’s ‘ lawful calling ’—nothing to us. But, what we say is—he, called 
us ‘ Jade and Jezabel,’ Gentlemen—I think you'll shew, him that, that’s 
not a ‘lawful calling.’ (/aughter) Gentlemen, case ,is—shortly this., 
Defendant made an attack on us—no reason in the world. Abused us, 
struck us several slaps—to wit, [reading] on our arms, breasts, neck, 
and shoulders—at our own door. Our apparel, gentlemen jury, suffers 
