WISHES. 267 



the wall, I wish that I could rise ready dressed. As the day waxes 

 older, being a bachelor, I wish some one of the female kind were with 

 me, to attend to my culinary concerns, and order my dinner ; for in my 

 forlorn condition, I can make but three varieties of dishes out of rump 

 steaks, chops, and cutlets, and then reverse the order to cutlets, chops, 

 and steaks. I am very precise in my movements, and as soon as I have 

 broken my fast, I look out in eager expectation for the postman, and 

 should he pass my door without knocking, I am sure to be out of humour, 

 and wish that I were some rich old nabob with some bequeathable 

 effects, for friends would not be then so few, or so inattentive and neg- 

 lectful ; but should some dun with a dunning knock interrupt me ia 

 my fond imaginings, then I am certain to wish I was once again in my 

 minority, and free from such annoyances ; for who now is so vulgar as 

 to pay a tradesman's bill ? After I have enjoyed my matutine itineration, 

 I generally have a relapse of my morning uxoriousness, and wish over 

 every fair creature I may have encountered in my walk. I set an empty 

 chair just opposite myself; grieve that my better half will not eat to- 

 day — propose a glass of wine — silence gives consent ; realize one plea- 

 sure, and I wish ten thousand. 



During the late summer months, I one day wished, in the erratic 

 movements of my mind, that I were a flea ; and would he not be a desira- 

 ble creature, were it not for the danger of apoplectic fits and a pre- 

 mature death ? Imagine his style of living — see his knight- 

 errantry — what a convivial round dog, and yet how he preserves his 

 nimbleness ! I wished that I were a flea, but that the thumb and finger 

 of some cruel Dustiffina — no — no — I rather wish that I could change 

 places with something which hangs upon the looking-glass of " her 

 whom my soul holds most dear" — something, did I say somethino- } 

 Gentle reader, hast thou ever felt the charming agonies of love ? If 

 thou hast not, then thou art damned, and cannot tell what that some- 

 thing is, and I wish that I were in thy situation, barring the said dam- 

 natory clauses. I sometimes wish that his most gracious Majesty would 

 give me a commission to pull down, tear up, and destroy all those thino-s 

 which molest and interfere with my comfort. I would kick Chancery 

 Lane, Fetter Lane, and Drury Lane to the Antipodes — I would utterly 

 hit, strike, and by the ear pul', all the chimney tops and pots, which in- 

 tercept the extensive view I have from my garret window, over the vast 

 expanse of houses facing the place from whence I am now lucubrating. 

 I would pull down, demolish, and destroy that pile of brick and mortar 

 intended to be the Pandemonium of a certain clique in Pall-Mail, and 

 expatriate all its members to Van Dieman's Land. 



On Monday last I wished to be the high wind. I fancied I should 

 whisk along the sky and take my pleasure like some royal traveller, with 

 leaves of trees, and fragments of clouds, and sweet sounds and fra"-rant 

 odours, tossed about me as I went on. 



Riding the whirlwind, or on the storm, what fun would I not enjoy ! 

 what amusement would I not create ! Tnrn your eyes to those ]un"-s of 

 London, on a day in the full season, when all that is great or noble, 

 proud and wealthy, recreate in Rotten Row. Quick I would be there 

 tossing, twirling, and tumbling them as I would. See that prude, with 

 checks adorned with anything but Nature's hues, false curls playing on 



