THE UNFORTUNATE LOVER. 447 



should have said the same of my two friends. I thought the juice of 

 the grape confoundedly sour, and swore in my own mind that, if the 

 bottle on the table were disposed of, I should never put 

 Champagne to my lips again for mortal man. Much, however, as I 

 abominated the liquid, I was bound in honour, as I had invited my 

 friends to partake of a glass with me, not to give in so long as there 

 was a drop in the bottle. 



I could easily have seen, though my friends had been "dummies," 

 that they relished the Champagne no better than myself. The faces 

 they made on quaffing their first glasses were absolutely frightful. 

 It would have been perilous in the extreme for a pregnant woman to 

 have seen them. My friends would beyond all controversy have car- 

 ried off the palm from the celebrated cobbler whose grinning capa- 

 bilities Addison has recorded in the Spectator, It was even ques- 

 tionable whether their grins were not as good of their kind as the 

 " horrible grin" and " ghastly smile" of Milton's fallen angel. Still, 

 however, in the excess of their good nature, my friends made no 

 complaints, further than saying that they wondered people thought 

 Champagne so good. 



I filled another bumper to self and friends. " I suppose now," said 

 the one, " we must drink the health of Miss Jemima R ," hold- 

 ing the glass in his hand as if ready to quaff its contents. 



" Most certainly. Miss R 's health, with all my heart," said 



the other, with an emphasis which made a doubt as to the cordiality 

 with which the toast was drank, altogether impossible. 



Both my friend's glasses were empty instanter. " Gentlemen," 

 said I, " as you are pleased to associate Jemima's name with mine, 



permit me, in her absence, to return you" 1 was going to speak 



of thanks; but the contortions of the two faces before me so far ex- 

 ceeded any thing I have ever before seen or imagined, that I was 

 frightened out of what I was going to say : I abruptly terminated my 

 intended brief speech. 



"Gentlemen," said one of my acquaintances, afterhis features had 

 resumed a more earthly aspect, " Gentlemen, you'll excuse me, I 

 have an appointment with a friend to-night : the time is up, I must 

 be gone." 



The other had plainly some similar pretext on his lips for also ab- 

 dicating his seat, and leaving me to drink the Champagne myself, 

 but was prevented coming out with it by my immediately starting on 

 my feet and seizing hold of the first speaker, adding, as by dint of 

 manual force I placed him again on his seat, " No nonsense, now ; you 

 mxist stay until we finish the Champagne.'' 



I had not well resumed my seat, when in rushed Boniface, the wai- 

 ter, and a clumsy looking fellow of a wine-merchant, into our apart- 

 ment, the face of each being a perfect personification of horror. 

 " Gentlemen, I beg your pardon,'' said the landlord earnestly. 

 " Gentlemen, I am truly sorry for the mistake," said the clownish 

 looking vendor of wines. 



We were all thunderstruck. " What can be the cause of the 

 strange intrusion ? What the meaning of these apologies ?" enquired 

 each at himself. 



