182.9.3 Autobiogt'aphy of Jonathan Wild, the Younger. 71 



By this calamity I was left with nothing but an accommodating con- 

 science, and ten remarkably agile fingers, to rely on for support. 

 Luokily, there dwelt in Wexford a certain rosy linen-draper, good- 

 natured, but prosing, like his own ledger, who, seeing what he was 

 pleased to call my hazardous condition, took me into his service, where 

 I had the happiness of cleaning boots, running errands, Avaiting at 

 dinner, and committing much extra mischief on my own private 

 account. But this servitude was of short duration ; for my employer, 

 fancying that he discovered in me evidences of superior genius, dis- 

 patched me to a grammar-school in the neighbourhood, where I soon 

 distinguished myself by a zeal for learning perfectly miraculous, inso- 

 much as I had got my grandfather's memoirs and the Forty Thieves by 

 heart, and had often wept over the sufferings of the heroes and heroines 

 of the Newgate Calendar — a captivating miscellany, which made a deep 

 impression on my youthful mind. 



After remaining two years at school, during which time I had frequent 

 opportunities of observing the superiority of our own divine religion 

 to the idolatrous doctrines of popery, I was expelled, in company with a 

 lad named O'Connell, for attaching two squibs to my master's Sunday 

 coat. This was the alleged reason for my expulsion ; but the real one 

 was my refusal to become a proselyte to Catholicism. The head usher 

 • — a fat man v.'ith a short neck, and the thickest part of whose face Avas 

 downwards, like a bee-hive — was always urging me on this point ; and 

 I should probably have become a convert to his opinions, and thereby — 

 I shudder while I think of it ! — liave forfeited my hopes of eternal hap- 

 piness, had I not caught him one night on his knees before a saint, 

 who though, like Cecilia, of tlie feminine gender, had more of the Mag- 

 dalen than the Vestal in her character, and who honoured my recognition 

 of her by a blow which marred my beauty for a month, and my two 

 front teeth for ever. This chastening — which, I make no doubt, was 

 intended, by the all-wise Disposer of events, for the best purposes — 

 proved my salvation. In a paroxysm of rage, I flew to the master for 

 protection, but, receiving no satisfactory reply, resolved at once on quit- 

 ting tlie academy. With this view I proceeded to paclc up my Avard- 

 robe in a red cotton pocket-handkerchief, took an affectionate leave of 

 my companions, and, after duly abstracting the head usher's pocket-book 

 and snuff-box, as a pleasing memento of my school-boy days, set out, 

 with O'Connell, for my patron's house at Wexford. To this beneficent 

 old gentleman I gave the real version of my case ; but, nevertheless, 

 anticipating that it might be misconstrued, I resolved to make the most 

 of what little time I liad yet left, so acquainted myself forthwith with 

 the contents of his till ; after which I wrote him a kind but spirited 

 note, wherein I assured him that my mind soared fixr above the idea of 

 dependence ; and that, in future, I should look upon myself as my own 

 master. It is with regret I state that this notification was unavailing. 

 Towards the evening of the day on which I had written it, as O'Connell 

 and myself were pursuing our road to Dublin, we were overtaken by a 

 sheriff's officer, who, arresting me at the linen-draper's suit, compelled 

 me — notwithstanding I told him I was in a hurry, and could not be 

 detained — to accompany him back to Wexford. It will hardly be 

 behtvel, that, for this harmless frolic, I was tied to a cart's tail, flogged 

 througli tlie market-place, rubbed down with vinegar, and then set in 

 the stocks to dry. Scandfvlous perversion of justice ! Is not genius. 



