152 A Chapter frmn Ihe Memoirs of [[Aug. 



one that wholly absorbed it — one little humble spot, which for me had a 

 central and engrossing interest, and from which, if my eye wandered but 

 an instant over the more romantic landscape around me, it was but to 

 return with an added zest. While I stood gazing upwards at this dear, 

 secluded dwelling, a light glanced suddenly from one of the upper rooms, 

 and, the next moment, Hortense appeared at the bed-room window. 

 Awhile she looked abroad on the scene, and up to the blue studded-sky ; 

 her ringlets were hanging loose down her neck ; the covering was par- 

 tially withdrawn from her bosom : she was evidently preparing for 

 repose. Just at this crisis, and while she was in the act of drawing- 

 down the curtain, another figure appeared beside her, and, touching her 

 lightly and with a familiar smile on the shoulder, caused her to blush and 

 slightly tremble. I could not be mistaken : it was Herwaldsen. With 

 a wild scream, that resembled more the mowing of a da?mon than anj^ 

 thing human, I rushed from the detested sight ; all the furies of jealousy, 

 and hate, and revenge possessed me ; I would have cheerfully mounted 

 the scaffold to have plunged that instant a dagger in my rival's heart ; 

 to have insulted liis dying moment, and trampled on his carrion corpse. 

 Who is he that calls love effeminate ? Who talks contemptuously of a 

 passion which in one short day can live the life of years; can sap the springs 

 of life ; scorch the brain to cinders ; and change the whole fabric of 

 humanity ? By the time that I reached my lodgings, I had worked 

 myself up into a most unnatural frame of mind. Fancy — that busy, 

 meddling fiend — exaggerated every part of my conduct ; she left me 

 not a single thought to fly to for refuge ; but piled image upon image of 

 annoyance, the Pelion upon the Ossa of recollection, till the wholesome 

 daylight of reason was shut out. In her most winning charms, in her 

 most perfect beauty, she jjlaced the figure of Hortense before me. She 

 bid her smile on me once more in kindness ; she lent the encouraging 

 tones of reconciliation to her -voice ; but when I would have rushed for- 

 ward to avail myself of the proffered boon, Herwaldsen rose in repelling 

 sternness between me and my divinity ; and, though my brain fired at 

 the sight, though my heart beat quick and loud, and I would have given 

 worlds to have laid him dead at my feet ; still there he stood, calm — 

 moveless — sarcastic — a phantom only when I would have consummated 

 my revenge by murder. But Hortense — not only by day, even in my 

 dreams did her angel form pursue me. I then saw her in all her match- 

 less attractions ; I listened to the beatings of her heart ; I felt the 

 flushing of her cheek ; I caught her thick, heavy respiration ; I watched 

 the undulating swell of her finely-rounded bosom ; — but the morning 

 dawned, the lying vision disappeared, and I woke to the fidl wretched- 

 ness of recollection. 



Such was my state of mind ; when, one morning, about ten days after 

 my eclaircisseinent with Hortense, I was surprised by a visit from Her- 

 waldsen. His face was lighted up with extraordinary animation ; and, 

 grasping me by the I and, — " Give me joy, Hermann," he exclaimed ; 

 " I have gained the university prize. — But how is this ?" he added, in 

 an altered tone, alarmed at the burning fever of my hand — " Gracious 

 Heavens, you are ill ! Why did you not tell me of this before ?" 



Overwhelmed by a variety of emotions, I could make no reply, btit, 

 turning abruptly from Herwaldsen, burst into a passion of tears. He 

 gazed at me with astoni.shment. 



" You have lost a friend — a relative, perhaps ?" 



" I have," was my rejoinder ; " and such- a friend as I can never — 



