506 On Priests in general, and [[Nov- 



perhaps, give the reader a sketch, at gome future clay, of a months- 

 mines dinner. It is rich in all the materials of farce and caricature. 



In some districts in Ireland, the priests do not speak English, or speak 

 it so barbarously, that the jargon is of the nondescript class. These 

 priests are mere clowns. They are no better than the bog-trotters over 

 whose spiritual interests they are appointed to preside. The usual pre- 

 text for nominating them to an office of so much responsibility, is that 

 such persons only are suited to the capacities of the people. It never 

 occurs to the heads of the church that the capacities of the people should 

 be enlarged, and their minds improved by collision with a higher order 

 of intellect ; and that their moral degradation is effectually confirmed by 

 teachers who, instead of presuming to educate others, require first to be 

 educated themselves. But that is the secret. The church lives upon 

 the degradation, and encourages it. 



Priests being by their profession excluded from avowed intercourse 

 with the female sex, are thrown for the display of their natural affections 

 into other channels of enjoyment. They make the best boon-com- 

 panions in the world, if you can forget their vulgarity and coarseness. 

 When a priest becomes loquacious, there is no end to his whim and 

 mirth. If you get him into a confidential mood, he will tell you excel- 

 lent anecdotes of the cloth, full of point and humour. I recollect a story 

 related to me in this way, the substance of which is as follows : — 



There is a certain altar at St. Peter's, in Rome, which is believed to 

 possess extraordinary efficacy, for the purposes of prayer ; and for the 

 use of which, in all cases where prayers are put up for the dead, a 

 higher price is charged than for any other. It is, therefore, frequently 

 engaged for weeks beforehand by the pious relatives of the deceased 

 amongst the faithful. On one occasion, a man came to the cardinal who 

 had charge of the miraculous altar, to beg his intercession on behalf of 

 his brother who had died the night before. The altar, however, was 

 engaged for the ensuing month, until the end of which time the cardinal 

 could not undertake the desired pious labour. " And must my brother," 

 exclaimed the man, " suffer in purgatory all that time, it being no fault 

 of mine that I cannot get the altar sooner ? Pray, my lord," he con- 

 tinued, " will you inform me at what time the divine release of the suf- 

 ferer takes effect ? Is it at the moment the intention to have prayers for 

 the dead is formed, or is it after the prayers are said ?" — " Why," replied 

 the cardinal, " I do not think it would be just that the sinner should 

 continue in his agonies until it would be convenient to let you have the 

 use of our altar ; so that you need be under no apprehensions. The 

 effect takes place at the moment you form the intention of applying to 

 the holy church." — ' Then, in that case," returned the other, " I need 

 not trouble your reverence any further, as I formed the intention last 

 night." So he took his departure with his money in his pocket. 

 Another anecdote, of the same description, runs as follows : — 

 A man came to a priest to require his prayers for a deceased friend. 

 A plate lay on the altar to receive the money of the applicants. " Put 

 down a guinea, my son," exclaimed the worthy priest. The guinea was 

 put down. Then the priest went through a Latin prayer, with great 

 rapidity and earnestness. — " Well, father, how does my friend fare .''" 

 " He is now awakening in the burning lake, and is struggling with the 

 spirits of darkness : put down another guinea, my son." The other 

 guinea was put down, and another Latin application was put up. 



