1829.] a Tale of Cnitched-Friars. 621 



and pei'petrating, whenever he ventured on a remark, thestrangest possible 

 bhinders. The thi*ee French consuls he hivariably mistook for the three 

 per cent, consols ; quoted Moore's Almanack in illustration of Moore's 

 Melodies ; inquired whether those two great poets, Hogg and Bacon, 

 were not of the same family ; and, when asked his opinion of Crabbe, 

 gave a decided preference to lobster. 



This sort of work had continued for the best part of a year, during 

 which time the good-natured old grocer had been subjected to every 

 species of expense and annoyance ; when one morning, towards the close 

 of October, news arrived that a literary gentleman, for whom his son 

 had persuaded him tq become bail to a pretty considerable amount, had 

 presented him, in return, with what is termed leg-bail — a species of gra- 

 titude whereby the locomotive powers are exercised at the expensie 

 of principle. The same post brought a letter from Miss Spinks at 

 Newington, with the intelligence that Sophy — the sprightly Sophy 

 Spimkins — who had been on a visit there for some days, had just set out 

 with O'Blamey, on a hasty visit of inspection to the latter's estates at 

 Monaghan. This letter enclosed anotlier from the fair fugitive herself, 

 in which she implored her father's forgiveness for the " rash step" she 

 had taken ; but assured him that immediately on her arrival at the old 

 family castle, she should become ]\Irs. O'Blamey, and return home the 

 very instant that her husband had secured his election for the county. 

 The epistle concluded with affectionate remembrances to the family 

 circle, and a hope that, when things were a little in order, her eldest 

 sister would be prevailed on to accompany her back to J.Ionaghan. 



This intelligence, notwithstanding his son's very sanguine anticipations 

 on the subject, annoyed poor Sir. S})imkins exceedingly ; while, as if to fill 

 up the measure of his tribulation, his former acquaintance at Crutched- 

 Priars, finding that, for months past, he had shewn evident symptoms of 

 a wish to cut them, began, in self-defence, to set up reports injurious to 

 his reputation. Rumours so circulated soon obtained belief. First one 

 customer dropped oft" — then a second — then a third — then a fourth, fifth, 

 and sixth — until at length the whole neighbourhood set it down, confi- 

 dently down in their minds, that the Spimkinses were a losing family. 

 Even the parish-clerk himself, a person of considerable local authority, 

 was heard to observe that they were getting too clever for business 

 — an opinion which, pronounced gravely and oracularly by a gentleman 

 in a double chin, produced an instantaneous effect. 



But where aU this time were the Spinkses ? Where were they whose 

 patronage should have shielded, and whose kindness shovdd have che- 

 rished, the unfortimate but still interesting Spimkinses ? Alas ! they 

 had set out, only a few weeks before, for the Holy Land, with the 

 avowed intention of taking furnished lodgings for at least six months at 

 Jerusalem. 



As if this of itself were not sufficiently vexatious, Miss Spimkins took 

 it into her head to espouse a gentleman for the very last thing a lady 

 usually thinks of looking for in a husband — his intellect. The origin of 

 her amour is curious. She had read in the Gentleman's Magazine the 

 " Confessions of a Wanderer," who had been shipwrecked on the Thames 

 at niglit-fall off" Chelsea Reach ; which Confessions were penned in so 

 poetic a spirit, and described so feelingly the horrors of the catastrophe, 

 the hoarse dash of the waves — the howling of theAvinds — and the subse- 

 quent encounter of the vessel against the fourth arch of Battersea Bridge, 

 that tlie susceptible Miss Spimkins was on thorns till she became 



M.I\I. New Svrks.—M Oh. VIII. No. 47. 3 X 



