1829.3 Memoirs of a Bashful Irishman. 651 



was to be engraven the full particulars of the attorney's death; but my 

 modesty, together with the reluctance of any respectable tradesman to 

 trust them, effectually put a stop to the proposition. 



It was about a fortnight, or perhaps three weeks, after this accident, 

 that I was called in to attend the parish clerk, who, it seems, had not 

 quite recovered the effects of the medicine which he had swallowed 

 instead of his mare, I found him in a high state of fever — tongue dry 

 and furred — skin parched — face flushed — pulse above a hundred. Of 

 course I instantly administered my Elixir, the gin of which, to say nothing 

 of the gunpowder, wrought a quick and obvious effect. vStill no decided 

 improvement was perceptible ; indeed he rather fell off than otherwise. 

 In this ticklish condition, I advised him to call in a physician. Luckily, 

 he took my advice ; I say, luckily, inasmuch as the worthy doctor 

 approved of all that I had done ; and, after feeling the patient's pulse, 

 pronounced him in a queer way, and then retired with me into an 

 inner room for the purpose of consulting on the case. The following, so 

 far as I can recollect, is the substance of this consultation: — 



" Little business doing here, hey, Mr. O'Blarney ?" 



" Very little, indeed, doctor." 



" He ! he ! he ! 'tis no laughing matter though, hey, ]Mr. O'Blarney?" 

 and the lively gentlem^i wound up his joke by pegging me in the ribs 

 with his knuckle, 'till he made me roar again. After a few further 

 observations, in the course of which we discussed the state of the crops, 

 of pohtics, the sub-letting act and Protestant ascendancy, we returned 

 into the patient's chamber, where the doctor wrote down a prescription, 

 with the promise that its effiects would be speedily visible. 



And they were so. Early next morning, while the sun was yet faintly 

 tipping the neighbouring hills with silver, the parish clerk awoke from 

 a short and disordered sleep, inquired after his wife and family, gave 

 them the paternal benediction, sunk back into torpor, slept with his 

 fathers, and was not. 



This very awkward finale, which would never have occurred had the 

 invalid stuck courageously by my elixir, gave the coup de grace to my 

 celebrity. Henceforth I began to be calumniated exactly in tlie same 

 proportion that I had been praised. IMy elixir was pronounced a quackery, 

 my abilities a humbug. Indeed, so strongly did the vile, capricious, 

 fluctuating current of public opinion set in against me, that, whenever 

 any one quitted Ballynabrogue for heaven, his neighbours would, one and 

 all, declare that he had died by the visitation of the doctor. Even the 

 sexton was once heard to assert, that if I remained much longer in the 

 neighbourhood, the whole population would become suhlerrancan — a dull 

 joke, but quite good enough for a grave-digger. Did I reply to such 

 vulgar ribaldry ? No : in tlie iirni consciousness of worth, I ])reserved an 

 indignant silence, until at length, driven to despair by the repeated at- 

 tacks on my private, no less than on my public character, I one night 

 turned my back on the village, leaving my respected wife behind me, as 

 agent for the sale of my Elixir, and set out in a hurry for Dublin. 



Arrived in the metropolis, I found it in an unusual state of excitement. 

 The Catholic Association had set all parties on the ry?« vive. Here was 

 a glorious field for ambition. A clear stage and no favour, was the motto 

 of the papist assembly ; and, in truth, I found it so; for scarcely had 

 I opened my lijjs tliere, when, despite my very visible diffidence and 

 embarrassment, I was received with three distinct rounds of applause. 



4 O 2 



