1829-3 Ajfairx in General. - 673 



The march of intellect is a fine affair, as all the world knows by the 

 help of the London University ; and the intellectuals are marching along 

 with it. "Learn mathematics, physics, metaphysics, philology, and" 

 fudge ! says the incomparable system of the new illuminati, "and you 

 will tread on the heels of the first lord in the land." This mode of 

 treading down heels would be incomparable news to the poor Duke of 

 Bedford, " widower bewitched" as he is ; to the Duke of Devonshire, 

 bachelor, as he is like to be ; to the fat Duke of Buckingham, Wi/se, as 

 he is henceforward to be ; or to the Duke of Gloucester, whose wisdom 

 is sufficiently appreciated already. 



But without plunging deeper into so absorbing a theme, we must 

 advert to the growing elegance of the newspaper descriptions of persons. 

 As, since Mrs. Fitzherbert ruled the roast, and the ruler of the roast, it 

 was decreed, that " old women were no more ;" and as, since Lady 

 Jersey turned the critical side of thirty-five, it is voted, that the 

 words, iniddle-aged woman, are as offensive as the imputation of grey 

 hairs ; an additional rule has since been made law, that every human 

 being wearing a petticoat, the Highland regiments excepted, is to be 

 denominated a lady. We see thus, in the beggarly detail of that very 

 beggarly gentleman. Prince Leopold's conduct, about the pension to 

 the coachman's daughter J this young person, whom we presume to be 

 a very good daughter to a very good coachman, takes the style and title 

 of Miss. The correspondence acquaints us, that Miss Smith has com- 

 pleted her education, has gone forth and returned, and lost her allow- 

 ance in consequence of the lamented poverty, of the destitute prince, 

 who receives from the people of England no more than (we are actually 

 ashamed to mention so paltry a sum,) about 60,000/. a year. To his 

 Highness, the genuine copper captain, we shall return in good time. 

 But our present purpose is to make it known to the world, that the 

 coachman's daughter is Miss Smith. 



The lady does not stand alone in her honours. A tavern at Poplar, 

 that very high-bred and classic portion of the metropolis, took fire a few 

 nights ago, and, of course, aU the inmates were glad to jump out in any 

 deshabille they could. A fire is a frightful occurrence at best, but how 

 much more frightful would it have been, if the elegance of the inmates 

 had been conjectured ; for all the bar-maids seem to have been persons 

 of condition. We are told that the first bar-maid, "Miss: Patrick, 

 being roused by the pot-boy," (we believe Charles Augustus Boots, Esq.) 

 committed herself, without loss of time, to the sill of the window, and 

 was thence taken off by a sailor bold. Her leap was fortunate, but she 

 long attempted in vain to infuse a portion of her saliency into " the 

 second bar-maid. Miss ! Whitlock," who continued dubious of the leap, 

 until the near approach of the fire, &c. But she, too, leaped, and was 

 luckily saved. 



Lord Alvanley, who says, that high life is so vapid, that he is forced 

 to read the Bow-street reports to refresh, said, with his usual happiness, 

 in allusion to the escape of those two fair ladies in their chemises, that, 

 " thougli they had ' jnissed stays,' they were saved by seamanship 

 afler all." 



We liave more marches of intellect still. Greek is growing upon us 

 to an extent that must rejoice tlie soul of a perfectibility man. Mr- 

 M. AL New Scries.~Woh. VHL No. 48. 4 R 



