MISCELLANEOUS ESSAYS. 
began to dip my pen in gall, and 
‘as foon as I had fingled out a pro- 
per objet for my fpleen, I locked 
round him for his weak fide, where 
I could place a blow to beft ef- 
fe&, and wound him undifcever- 
ed: the author abovementioned had 
a full fhare of my attention; he 
was-an irritable man, and I have 
feen him agonized with the pain, 
which my very fhafts had given 
_ him, whilft I was foremof to ar- 
raign the feurrility of the age, and 
“encourage him to difregard it: 
the practice I had been in of mafk- 
ing my ftile facilitated my attacks 
upon every body, who either moved 
my envy, or provoked my fpicen. 
* The meaneft of all paffions had 
"Now taken entire pofleffion of my 
heart, and I furrendered myfelf to it 
without a ftruggle: ftill there was 
a confcioufnefs about me, that funk 
™e in my own eftezem; and when I 
met the eye of a man, whom I had 
fecretly defamed,-1 felt abafhed, 
fociety became painful to me; and 
I fhrunk into retirement, for my 
felf-efteem was loft; though I had 
gratified my malice, I had deftroy- 
‘ed ‘my comfort; I now contem- 
plated myfelf a folitary being at 
the very mSment when I had every 
‘Tequifite of fortune, hea!th, and en- 
» dowments to have recommended me 
— 
v* 
to the world, and to thofe tender 
_ ties and engagements, which are 
_ natural to man, and conftitute his 
deft enjoyments. 
The folitude [ reforted to made 
‘me every day more morofe, and 
 fupplied me with reflections that 
_ rendered me intolerable to myfelf 
‘and unfit for fociety. I had reafon 
_ to apprehend, in fpite of all my 
| 
caution, that I was now narrowly 
_ watched, and that ftrong fufpicions 
‘were taken up againft me; when, 
123 
as I was feafting my jaundiced eye 
one morning with a certain newf- 
paper, which I was.in the habit of 
employing as the vehicle of my ve- 
nom, I was ftartled at difcovering 
myfelf confpicuoufly pointed out in 
an angry column as a cowardly de- 
famer, and menaced with perfonal 
chaftifement, as foon as: ever proofs 
could be obtained againft me;, and 
this threatening denunciation evi- 
dently came from the very author, 
who had unknowingly given me 
fuch umbrage, when he recited my 
poem. 
The fight of this refentful para- 
graph was like an arrow to my 
brain: habituated to fkirmifh only 
behind entrenchments, I was ill pre- 
pared to turn into the open field, 
and had never put the queftion to 
“my heart, how it was provided-for 
the emergency. In early life | had 
not any reafon to fufpect my cou- 
rage, nay it was rather forward to 
meet occafions in thofe days of in- 
nocence; but the meannefs I had 
lately funk into had fapped every 
manly principle of my nature, and 
I now difcovered to my forrow, 
that in taking up the lurking malice 
of an aflaifin, F had loft the gallant 
{pirit of a gentleman. 
There was ftill one alleviation to 
my terrors: it fo chanced that I 
was not the author of the particular 
libel, which my accufer had imput- 
ed to me; and though I had been 
father of a thoufand others, I felt 
myfelf fupported by truth in almoft 
the only charge, againft which I 
could have fairly appealed to it. 
It feemed to me ‘therefore advife- 
able to lofe no time in difculpating 
myfelf from the accufation; yet to ° 
feek an interview with this ira{cible 
man was afervice of fome danger: 
chance threw the opportunity in my 
way, 
