MISCELLANEOUS ESSAYS. 



399 



rery often in a street called Pali- 

 Mall, or Pell-Mell, from some ana- 

 logy in the name, which association, 

 ift strict conformity to their princi- 

 ples and confusion, is composed of 

 all sorts except the good, and in- 

 cludes princes, and lords, and 

 jockies, who are jumbled together 

 like their world of atoms. 



We admit no man who keeps a 

 woman, while he is kept by his 

 wife. 



We admit no notorious parasites 

 or hangers-on. Mr. Sykes, the cu- 

 rate of the next parish^ has been 

 refused for having the run of the 

 'squire's kitchen, and the combing 

 of my lady's lap-dog. Mr. Barnu- 

 by, the church-warden, has com-. 

 plained of fleas, and the smell of 

 parsnips, ever since he came to pro- 

 pose himself. When this gentle- 

 man is disposed to be facetious, he 

 suggests the idea of a Parasitical 

 club, on the plan of one that was 

 formerly established among the turn- 

 spit-dogs, when this frateri iiy was 

 in its full glory and consequence, 

 who were observed to meet every 

 morning in the Grove, at Bath, for 

 the sake of business, friendship, or 

 gallantry, and then distribute them- 

 selves about the town according to 

 their different destinations. 



We have a rooted abhorrence of 

 all gamesters, liars, and debauchees: 

 we are therefore particularly on our 

 guard against all such as have aspir- 

 ed to the infamy of certain great 

 connections. Bad husbands and 

 sons, and all those who sin against 

 the sacied duties and charities of 

 life, we includi; under one solemn 

 sentence of proscription. 



We are very shy of a man who, 

 after the age of fifty, continues to 

 be called Dick or Jack such-a-one: 

 such men have probably sacrificed 



too much to notoriety to deserve 

 respect. 



We have also a prejudice against 

 a description of persons, who are 

 called ingenious gentlemen, who 

 have in general no other claim to 

 this title than what is derived from 

 the solution of an enigma in the 

 Lady's Magazine,'or a contribution 

 to the poet's corner. A rage for 

 riddles and impromptues, were it 

 to get fooriiig among us, would be 

 a mighty hindrance to the flow of 

 conversation. It creates a kind of 

 scramble in the mind of one that 

 has a turn for these pleasantries, and 

 scatters abroad his ideas like a ruin- 

 ed ant's nest; while those who are 

 used to reason right forward, and 

 to keep a steady point in view, arc 

 forced to sit in vacant silence, with 

 their faculties bound up in a stupid 

 thraldom. 



I shall conclude my paper of to- 

 day with informing my readers that 

 the gentleman who had the princi- 

 pal share in drawing up our code of 

 laws, is a Mr. Anthony Allworth, a 

 most valuable member of this our 

 society, of whom I shall have fre- 

 quent occasion to speak in the course 

 of my speculations, when I wish to 

 hold up a more animated picture 

 than ordinary of sublime virtue and 

 practical religion. This gentleman, 

 is now in his seventieth year, and 

 keeps himself in health by the di- 

 version of Ills mind, and the exercise 

 of his body, in his unwearied search 

 after objects for his beneficence. 

 He was one of our earliest members^ 

 and still suffers no weather to pre- 

 vent his constant attendance. Aa 

 he passes through many scenes in 

 the course of every day, he never 

 fails to introduce- some a^eeable or 

 pathetic story, tliat sends us away 

 more chearful or more reslgm'd. 



