MISCELLANEOUS. ESSAYS. 
vated as to be superior to the re- 
commendation of the poor country- 
doctor, baskets of game, and the 
choicest fish at Christmas-time, are 
not unacceptable presents to the 
president or censor of the college. 
For the faculty are no enemies to 
high living ; and repletion, so dan- 
gerous to their patients, is ren- 
dered harmless by their preventa- 
tives. 
Nationality stands a young licen- 
tiate in great stead. A Scotchman 
says of Sawney, “‘ that he is the 
brawest chiel that e’er stadied phy- 
sicat St. Andrew’s or Aberdeen; ”’ an 
Irishman prefers Paddy bred at Dub- 
lin or St. Omer’s; whilst the sim- 
pleton of an Englishman is gulled 
by both, ‘and to shew his imparti- 
ality, swallows every quack medi- 
cine that is advertised; at one time 
tries Animal Magnetism, at another, 
with thesame alacrity, descends into 
the earth-bath, and ascends the ce- 
Jestial-bed. A seaman thinks the 
navy the best schoo! for physic ; the 
soldier.an army-hospital. A Scotch 
diploma, conferred for a few pounds 
ona navy or army-surgeon, is more 
than equivalent to the most labo- 
rious and learned education at Ox- 
ford or Cambridge, and to all the 
knowledge that can be obtained in 
chemistry, in botany, in anatomy, 
in the Materia Medica, both ancient 
and modern. 
The greatest duperie is, that the 
Jess time and attention a noted phy- 
sician can give to your case, the 
more he is to be paid. The physi- 
cian in the greatest practice in Lon- 
don, who tires three pair of horses 
in a day, and who (besides diurnal 
Visits to great folks who pay him 
annual pensions to meke it his in- 
terest (0 prolong their miserable ex- 
istence) sees sixty occasional pa- 
Vor. XXXIV. 
44g 
tients in a day, and: receives from 
many double fees, to tempt him to 
come again, and neglect those who 
pay him less—I say, such a lumi- 
nary can allow only five minutes in 
his rapid course, whilst another, not 
arrived at a chariot, can bestow a 
great part of the day or night to 
watch your distemper, and give yeu 
some small chance for) your life, 
supposing drugs can save you. 
Do what you can, the giorious 
uncertainty of physic is a proverb, 
and wiil continue to baffle to the 
end of time the most expert prac- 
titioners. The boldest, therefore, 
are the most fortunate; at least the 
dead (as in the case of murder) can 
tell no tales. 
In many respects, a physician 
must make his.court not by silence, 
bui by prying and telling all he 
knows. A small part of his fee is 
estimated a full consideration for 
his advice, especially in chronic dis- 
orders; the greatest part jis for 
the news he picks up and dispenses, 
whether public or private. ‘The 
spirits of a hypochondriac lady are 
wonderfully revived by a dose of 
scandal well applied. As for the 
apothecary, whose drugs bear no 
proportion to the amount of his bill, 
he likewise is paid for his tittle- 
tattle. 
A stale trick ought to be men- 
tioned ;—that of a young physician 
being called out of company by a 
servant oc porter, as if he was sent 
for in a great hurry by a patient in 
the agony of death; when nobody 
has required his assistance, nor is 
likely to do so. 
It remains that I offer an opinion 
concerning the prognostics of a 
physician’s skill. I say then, if you 
employ aman that shews comaion 
sense and penetration in other mat- 
Ff ters, 
